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Band 4.5

The way that people work today has changed significantly due to development of technology. Discuss the advantages and the disadvatages.

4.5 / 9
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Introduction
The
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apply
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Technology
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 has a great effect in
this
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 generation
which
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, which
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it
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apply
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can be used in
good
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a good
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way
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 or in
bad
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a bad
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way
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and
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, and
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this
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depend
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depends
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 on the person who
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use
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uses
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 it.
While
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this
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 offers a few advantages, there
Body paragraph 1
are
also
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 some disadvantages which are worth considering.
Body paragraph 2
To begin
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 with advantages
,
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of
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 the
technology
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has
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are
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 high
binifits
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benefits
 for
people
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 which can make their
work
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, which
it
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apply
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can orginaized their time and
aslo
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also
 it can solve their problem by many
way
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 like searching on the internet to find solution of issue.
Moreover
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 alot of
people
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 can do
thier
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their
work
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 at home using
laptop
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a laptop
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 or ipad which
reduce
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reduces
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 the traffic jam on the road. Many programs
used
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apply
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can be used to make
work
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easer
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easier
. For
examle
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example
, the data can be
sort
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sorted
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 and saved using Excle which is
better
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a better
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way
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 than using
pappers
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paper
.
Body paragraph 3
In
addtion
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addition
, AI is one of
best
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the best
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 technologies in
this
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 period
it
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. It
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 can be used for anything and in different
ways
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ways,
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 like it can answer any question that comes
in
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to
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 mind and
also
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 can help
people
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 in their
work
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.
Body paragraph 4
The
disadvatages
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disadvantages
 of
technology
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,
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are that
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 some
people
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 are not
familier
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familiar
 with
this
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technology
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which
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, which
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make
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makes
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 it more difficult to
use
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 it. Some
people
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 fully depend
onthis
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on this
technology
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which
Punctuation problem
, which
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it
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apply
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can
a
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be a
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huge problem for their company because they just
use
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 the
technology
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 to do their
work
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but
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, but
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 they have to
use
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 it as a
way
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 to help them to make the
work
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easer
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easier
.
Conclusion
In conclusion, the
technology
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 changed the
way
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of
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people work
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work
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 of
people
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, it can
orginaized
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organise
 their time, solve
differents
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different
 issues , finding informatiom more
easyer
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easily
 now, they can do the
work
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 at home, using programs to store
informations
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information
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 or data. But
people
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 without and experince in
this
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technology
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 will
sufer
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suffer
 from it.

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task response
You answer both parts of the question. You show good points, such as working from home, less traffic, and saving data. However, explain each point more fully. For example, say how working from home can save time and money for workers and firms.
task response
Your ideas are often clear, but some are too general. The part about AI says it can do anything. Give one clear work example instead, such as AI helping staff write a first plan or check simple data.
task response
Add more clear bad points. You write about people who cannot use technology and people who depend on it too much. You could also explain what may happen if a system stops working, such as lost work or delays.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, main body, and end. The order is mostly easy to follow: first the good side, then the bad side. Keep this plan.
coherence and cohesion
Make each main paragraph focus on one key idea. The first body paragraph has many ideas together: time, problem solving, home work, traffic, and Excel. Split these into two paragraphs or give each idea a clear link.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully. Phrases such as "To begin with", "Moreover", and "In conclusion" are useful, but some sentences need a clearer link. For example: "This means that workers can finish simple tasks faster."
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating the same words too often, especially "technology", "work", and "use". You can sometimes say "digital tools", "systems", "tasks", or "these tools".
coherence and cohesion
Write shorter sentences when you have several ideas. This will make your meaning easier to follow. For example, change one long sentence about people depending on technology into two or three short sentences.
task response
You give a real and useful example of Excel for sorting and saving data. This supports your point better than a general statement.
task response
You include both good and bad sides of technology at work, so your answer stays on the main topic.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction tells the reader that you will discuss both sides, and your conclusion returns to the main ideas.
coherence and cohesion
The headings in your thinking are clear: advantages first, then disadvantages. This helps the reader follow your essay.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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