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Band 5

The chart below shows the number of immigrants to Germany by region in 2010 and 2020. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

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The chart below shows the number of immigrants to Germany by region in 2010 and 2020. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant
The given data illustrates the
number
Use synonyms
 of overseas workers migrating to Germany through Oceania,
Europe
Use synonyms
, Africa, America, East
Asia
Use synonyms
 and South
Asia
Use synonyms
 from 2010 to 2020.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
, in 2010, a higher
number
Use synonyms
 of migrants came from
Europe
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
 less activity was shown in the South
Asia
Use synonyms
 region.
However
Linking Words
, in 2020, the same immigration was seen in
Europe
Use synonyms
, but with a decreased
number
Use synonyms
 and least in South
Asia
Use synonyms
. After analysing the graph, it is abundantly clear that, in 2020, Oceania have 12%
migrants
Punctuation problem
migrants,
show examples
 followed by
Europe
Use synonyms
 with 30% ratio shown highest
number
Use synonyms
 apart from other countries.
Moreover
Linking Words
, in Africa and America, percentage was 6% and 18%, respectively.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, in East
Asia
Use synonyms
 and South
Asia
Use synonyms
, the
number
Use synonyms
 was 10% and 6%, respectively. On top of that , in the year 2010,
Europe
Use synonyms
 shows deviation upto 5%
Linking Words
along
Punctuation problem
, along
show examples
 with
it
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 same
was
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
 seen in America , which is 10%. But Oceania and East
Asia
Use synonyms
 shows surge in their amount
that is
Linking Words
 25% and 26%, respectively.
While
Linking Words
 Africa showed slighlty upward trend with 7%.
Likewise
Linking Words
, South
Asia
Use synonyms
 shows a slight deviation with 1%.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, europe, asia with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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