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Band 6.5

A lot of places in the world rely on tourism as a main source of income. Describe the advantages and disadvantages of tourism industry.

6.5 / 9
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Introduction
Nowadays, many governments consider
tourism
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 to be an essential source for increasing the economic profits of their
countries
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.
While
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 depend on toursim industry offers several benefits, particularly increasing the revenue of the country's budget, it
also
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 has some significant drawbacks,
such
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 as complete dependence on the
tourism
Use synonyms
.
Check wording
industry.
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Body paragraph 1
Initially
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, relying on
tourism
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 has a large
number
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 of advantages. One of its main advantages is that it can increase the
number
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 of visitors, which can lead to economic growth.
This
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 is because the
tourism
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 sector can provide many job opportunities for the citizens, and they are able to contribute of boots economy.
For example
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, building a lot of events in the same place requires a
number
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 of organisers to guide the tourists, and these tourists usually spend a large amount of money on events that they attend.
As a result
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, tourisme sector generates revenue and brings new opportunities to the people.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, a heavy dependence on
tourism
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 has many disadvantages. One of the major disadvantages is that all the revenues of
countries
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 may decrease if there are no other sources,
in addition
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 to
tourism
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, and
this
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 is
due to
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 the authorities ignoring other sectors.
For instance
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, if there is a political problem among
countries
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, the
number
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 of tourists might decrease.
Consequently
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, the economy of these
countries
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 will suffer, which can lead to serious consequences.
Conclusion
In conclusion, the
tourism
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 industry plays a vital role in increasing the incomes of
countries
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.
However
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, it can create several problems if there are no other alternative sources of revenue for
countries
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.
Therefore
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, the more various sources of income, the greater the positive impact on the country.

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task response
You answer both parts of the question. You explain that tourism can bring jobs and money, but it can also make a country weak if it has no other way to earn money. To improve, add more than one clear benefit and more than one clear problem. For example, tourism can also help local shops, but it can cause high prices, crowds, and harm to nature.
task response
Make each main idea more full. In the first body paragraph, explain more clearly how visitors’ spending goes to hotels, food shops, travel, and local workers. In the second, explain what happens to jobs and small shops when visitors stop coming.
task response
Your examples are linked to the topic, but they are too general. Use one clear example with a place or a simple situation. For example, a town that depends on beach visitors may lose work and money when bad weather or a world health problem stops travel.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: introduction, benefits, problems, and conclusion. Keep this plan, but make the first sentence of each body paragraph state one exact main idea. Then give an explanation and an example before moving to the next idea.
coherence and cohesion
Some links between ideas are clear, such as “For example”, “As a result”, and “Consequently”. Use them with care and make sure the next sentence clearly follows. Avoid repeating “One of the main advantages” and “One of the major disadvantages”; use simple different forms such as “Another good point is” or “A key problem is”.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion repeats the main message, which is good. Make it more direct by restating both sides: tourism brings money and work, but countries should also develop other parts of the economy.
task response
You stay on the topic throughout the essay and discuss both the good and bad sides of tourism.
task response
The main ideas about jobs, visitor spending, and the risk of losing income are relevant and easy to understand.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is divided into clear paragraphs, with an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use useful linking words, including “On the other hand”, “For instance”, and “In conclusion”, to guide the reader.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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