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Writing Samples
Band 5

Tourism has been a good source of revenue in many countries and government should promote the industry. Do you agree or disagree.

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Introduction
In
recet
Correct your spelling
recent
years
Punctuation problem
years,
show examples
 a lot of
people
Use synonyms
 are taking
intrest
Correct your spelling
an interest
 in travelling and exploring the world.
This
Linking Words
in
Punctuation problem
, in
show examples
 return helping many nations to
impromove
Correct your spelling
improve
 their economy. I strongly believe that the government of each
country
Use synonyms
 should invest in and promote the
tourism
Use synonyms
industry
Punctuation problem
industry,
show examples
 as it provides a source of income to the locals and can become a good source of revenue.
Body paragraph 1
The primary reasons to promote
the the
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
tourism
Use synonyms
 would be its contribution to the
countr's
Correct your spelling
country's
 economy. When tourist from developed nation visits developing countries
they
Punctuation problem
, they
show examples
 bring their currency, which
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 the developing
country
Use synonyms
 to have the varity of currencies.
Also
Linking Words
, the local
people
Use synonyms
 get many job opportunities.
For instance
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 living near
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the famous places can act as tour guides, open local shops so that
tourist
Check wording
tourists
show examples
 can buy
souveniers
Correct your spelling
souvenirs
. Nowadays, so many
travelers preffer
Correct your spelling
travellers prefer
 to stay with the local
people
Use synonyms
 to learn about their cultures. Some residents
trun
Correct your spelling
turn
 their houses into hostels to provide
accomodations
Correct your spelling
accommodations
.
This
Linking Words
 way
Use synonyms
people
Punctuation problem
, people
show examples
owing
Use the right word
owning
show examples
 luxury hotels to local homestays, everyone gets the opportunity to open their business
accroding
Correct your spelling
according
 to their budget.
Body paragraph 2
Countries that rely on
tourism
Use synonyms
 have not only seen growth in their economy
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 it has
helped
Rephrase
also helped
show examples
 them to improve their infrastructure
as well
Rephrase
apply
show examples
. For
people
Use synonyms
 to travel to different places, having a better
transporation
Correct your spelling
transportation
 system is very crucial.
This
Linking Words
 helps local residents
as well as
Linking Words
 international
tourist
Check wording
tourists
show examples
.
Body paragraph 3
When countries are exposed to the
internationl
Correct your spelling
international
 market
beacuse
Correct your spelling
because
 of
its
Fix the agreement mistake
their
show examples
tourism
Use synonyms
,
goverment organizations
Correct your spelling
government organisations
 pay extra attention to the
overall
Linking Words
 development of the
country
Use synonyms
's infrastructure and other needs.
This
Linking Words
 creates additional job opportunities and a better
enviornment
Correct your spelling
environment
 for the
country
Use synonyms
's youth to invest their time and energy in their own
country
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, goverment should
also
Linking Words
 focus on
Use synonyms
tourism
Correct article usage
the tourism
show examples
 industry as it can play an
improtant
Correct your spelling
important
 role in
Use synonyms
country's
Correct article usage
the country's
show examples
 development and for
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 better future
Conclusion
In conclusion, through
Use synonyms
tourism
Punctuation problem
tourism,
show examples
 a
country
Use synonyms
 can achieve economic growth, can spread its cultural values and can form connections with more developed nations.
Hence
Linking Words
, I agree that the government should focus on its
tourism
Use synonyms
 industry as well.

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task response
You give a clear view and answer the question from start to end. To make your answer stronger, explain why the state should spend money on tourism, not only why tourism is good. You could say that state help with roads, safety, clean places, and clear travel information.
task response
Your main ideas are useful: jobs, money, and better roads. Add one short point about possible problems, such as too many visitors or harm to nature, then say how the state can deal with them. This would make your view more full.
task response
Your examples about guides, shops, home stays, and hotels fit the topic well. Make one example more real and clear by showing how it helps a town or a family.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: opening, two main parts, then a close. Each part has one main idea, so it is easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Some ideas are repeated, especially jobs and growth. Try to give each paragraph a different job: one for money and work, one for roads and public services, and one for why state support is needed.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. Words such as “For example”, “As a result”, and “In addition” can show the link between ideas more clearly. Do not start too many lines with “This” if the reader may not know what it means.
coherence and cohesion
Make a few long sentences shorter. For example, split the sentence about hotels, home stays, and business into two sentences. This will make your meaning easier to read.
task response
You clearly agree that the state should support tourism, and this view stays the same through the essay.
task response
You give good, on-topic support: local jobs, small shops, home stays, and better transport.
coherence and cohesion
The opening tells the reader your main view, and the final paragraph brings the main ideas together.
coherence and cohesion
The paragraphs are in a sensible order, moving from money and jobs to roads and wider growth.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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