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Writing Samples
Band 5

Countries with longer working hours are more economically successful than other countries. To what extent do you agree?

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Introduction
It is often argued that countries with longer working
hours
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 are more economically successful than countries where people
work
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 fewer
hours
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. I personally agree that shortened working
hours
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 can bring about economic growth.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, longer working
hours
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 can contribute to economic growth by increasing productivity. When workers spend more time at
work
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, the company may be able to manufacture more products
,
Punctuation problem
;
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therefore
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, they might serve a large number of customers.
This
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 can be beneficial in industries,
such
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 as construction and manufacturing, where longer working
hours
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 lead to higher production levels.
As a result
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, companies can earn more money, which can contribute to the national economy.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, I believe that economic success does not only depend on the number of
hours
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 employees spend at
work
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, but
also
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 on productivity, workers' skills and their experience. Workers who
work
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 excessively long
hours
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 may bring about some health issues,
such
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 as fatigue and stress, which can reduce their efficiency and quality of
work
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.
Moreover
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, fewer but productive working
hours
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 can create more opportunities for employees to spend more time with their families.
As a consequence
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, their motivation and
work
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 ethic for their
work
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 increases, and it is unlikely to become boring in their jobs.
Conclusion
To sum up
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,
although
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 longer working
hours
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 can contribute to producing more goods for customers' needs, I firmly believe that improving productivity rather than extending working
hours
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 can be more beneficial for economic growth.

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task response
Make your main view fully clear in the first part. You say you agree, but then say that shorter hours can help growth. State clearly that you do not agree that longer hours always make a country more successful.
task response
Develop your key ideas more. Explain how better skills, good tools, and rest can help people do more work in less time. This will make your answer stronger.
task response
Add one clear real-world example. For example, you could compare a country with high pay and good work systems with one where people work long hours but produce less.
task response
Be careful with ideas that do not directly show economic success. Family time and feeling less bored are useful points, but link them more clearly to better work and national growth.
coherence and cohesion
Your four-part plan is clear: opening, one side, the other side, and ending. Keep this shape in future essays.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a more natural way. You use "therefore", "as a result", and "moreover" well, but do not use too many in one short part.
coherence and cohesion
Make the link between sentences clearer in the last main part. After health problems, explain directly that lower work quality can mean less money for firms and the country.
coherence and cohesion
Keep the same main message from start to end. The ending is clear, but the opening should match it more closely.
task response
You answer both sides of the question and give a clear final view: better productivity is more useful than simply working longer.
task response
Your points about more goods, worker health, and work quality are relevant to the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow because each main paragraph has one central idea.
coherence and cohesion
The opening and ending are both present, and the ending restates your main view clearly.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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