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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

3.5 / 9
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Introduction
Nowadays, many
children
Use synonyms
 spend hours every day on their
smartphones
Use synonyms
. I strongly believe that
this
Linking Words
 is a negative development.
Body paragraph 1
This
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 is a common case because everywhere I go, I see
kids
Use synonyms
 with their
smartphones
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, when I go to the park, I don't see
kids
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 playing; they are all holding
smartphones
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 in their hands.
This
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 can lead to lower communication skills.
Body paragraph 2
I strongly think
this
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 is a negative development because their mental health can be negatively affected.
Moreover
Linking Words
, families have a responsibility for their
children
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. If
kids
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 use
smartphones
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 all day, their concentration at school may be lower.
Also
Linking Words
, many
children
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 have the potential to change the future.
Conclusion
In
conclsion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
,I strongly believe that
this
Linking Words
 is a negative development
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
This
Linking Words
 is a common case because everywhere I go, I see
kids
Use synonyms
 with their
smartphones
Use synonyms
.
also
Linking Words
 families have a responsibility for their
children
Use synonyms
 , and they can make the change for world.

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. Give clear reasons why children use phones, such as games, videos, friends, and parents who are busy.
task response
Your main view is clear: this is a bad change. Explain each bad effect in more detail. For example, say how long phone use may harm sleep, school work, or time with friends.
task response
Use one or two clear examples that directly support your ideas. The park example is useful, but explain what children lose when they do not play or talk together.
coherence and cohesion
Use a simple four-part plan: introduction, reasons for phone use, why it is bad, and conclusion. This will make the essay easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body part with one clear main idea. Then add an explanation and an example. Do not move too quickly from the park to communication, health, school, and the future.
coherence and cohesion
Do not repeat the same ideas in the conclusion. Sum up your view in new words. Also check full stops, capital letters, and spelling, for example: “In conclusion,” and “also”.
task response
You give a clear view from the start and keep the same view through the essay.
task response
You include real and relevant points about communication, mental health, and school work.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an introduction, body parts, and a conclusion, so the reader can see your basic plan.
coherence and cohesion
The example of children at the park helps make your point easy to understand.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
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