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Writing Samples
Band 5

In many countries, electric vehicles are becoming more popular as a replacement for petrol and diesel cars. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this development?

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Introduction
Electric
vehicles
Use synonyms
, particularly
cars
Use synonyms
, are the modern alternative to reduce air pollution caused by carbon
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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emitted
Replace the word
emissions
 from petrol and
diesel driven
Correct your spelling
diesel-driven
cars
Use synonyms
. Owing to
this
Linking Words
, they are widely embraced in some countries over fuel
cars
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
 electric
vehicles
Use synonyms
 are
pragmatic
Correct article usage
a pragmatic
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 solution as they are more sustainable and reduce
greenhouse-gas emission
Check wording
greenhouse gas emissions
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, there are some drawbacks of owing them
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such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as
shortage
Correct article usage
a shortage
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 of charging stations and their tendency to catch fire on their own.
Body paragraph 1
Initiating with the benefits, the primary benefit of battery-
cars
Use synonyms
 is
reduction
Correct article usage
the reduction
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 in air pollution. As these
cars
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 run on
batteries
Punctuation problem
batteries,
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 they consume electric power
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 eliminates the emission of harmful
pollutant
Check wording
pollutants
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 from fuel burning.
In addition
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 to
this
Linking Words
, the
overall
Linking Words
cost
Use synonyms
 of
electric
Correct article usage
an electric
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 vehicle is far less than petrol and diesel
cars
Use synonyms
. The investment in charging and
maintainence
Correct your spelling
maintenance
 of electric
cars
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 is quite lower than
total
Correct article usage
the total
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 fuel and repair
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cost
Check wording
costs
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 required for non-electric
vehicles
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. To illustrate, the total expenditure on electric
vehicles
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including
Punctuation problem
, including
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 buying
cost
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 and one year
utilization
Change the spelling
utilisation
show examples
Use synonyms
cost
Punctuation problem
cost,
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 is fairly equal to
purchasing
Correct article usage
the purchasing
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 rate of diesel/petrol
cars
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.
Body paragraph 2
On the flip side, there are some negatives
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 choosing battery-driven
vehicles
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, consumers face inconvenience
while
Linking Words
 finding public charging stations outside their homes.
This
Linking Words
 is the main reason people cannot rely on them for long-distance
travellings
Correct your spelling
travel
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, because of stored
power
Add a comma
power,
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 they frequently catch fire
on
Change preposition
due to
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 excessive heating and even
by
Correct word choice
when
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 merely parked in hot sunny day under direct sunlight.
For instance
Linking Words
, the incidences of
car-fire
Check wording
car fires
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 are highly reported in India
this
Linking Words
 year during peak summer time
resulting
Punctuation problem
, resulting
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 in numerous deaths.
Conclusion
In conclusion, electric
cars
Use synonyms
 provide both financial
Linking Words
as well as
Correct word choice
and
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 environmental benefits.
However
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, poor facilities for recharging in public and other remote areas
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along
Punctuation problem
, along
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 with high possibilities of catching
fire
Punctuation problem
fire,
show examples
 are some drawbacks. Government and manufacturing companies should work
further
Linking Words
 to overcome these issues.

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task response
You answer both parts of the question. You give clear good points: less air pollution, lower running cost, few charging places, and fire risk. To improve, explain each point more fully. For example, say that electric cars may still cause pollution if the power used to charge them comes from coal or gas.
task response
Be careful with very strong claims. “They frequently catch fire” and “numerous deaths” need strong proof. Use safer wording, such as “there have been reports of battery fires” or “fire risk may worry some buyers.”
task response
Your example about cost is not fully clear. Buying an electric car can cost more at first, even if it costs less to run later. Make this contrast clear, and use an example that directly shows the point.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part shape: introduction, benefits, drawbacks, and conclusion. This makes it easy to follow. Keep one main idea in each body paragraph, as you do now.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with more care. “Initiating with the benefits” is not natural. Use simple links such as “First,” “Also,” “However,” and “For example.”
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are too long or unclear. Break them into two short sentences. For example, instead of “because of stored power they frequently catch fire...”, explain the cause and result in separate sentences.
coherence and cohesion
Make the link between ideas clearer. In the cost paragraph, first state that daily running costs are lower, then explain why: electricity is often cheaper and electric cars need less repair work.
task response
You stay on the topic throughout the essay and discuss both the good and bad sides of electric cars.
task response
The points about cleaner air, lower running costs, charging access, and long trips are relevant and easy to understand.
coherence and cohesion
The opening and ending clearly show your main view, and the body paragraphs are placed in a logical order.
coherence and cohesion
You use helpful signposts such as “In addition to this,” “On the flip side,” and “For instance” to guide the reader.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • electric vehicles
  • petrol and diesel cars
  • exhaust emissions
  • air pollution
  • carbon footprint
  • renewable energy
  • charging infrastructure
  • charging stations
  • driving range
  • long-distance travel
  • high upfront cost
  • running costs
  • maintenance costs
  • government incentives
  • battery production
  • raw materials
  • battery recycling
  • fossil fuels
  • traffic noise
  • environmentally friendly transport
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