IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

šŸ“Š The graph below describes the use of fixed telephone lines, mobile phones, and internet between 1994 and 2005 in China. šŸ“

6.5 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ā†“
āœļø Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic ā†’
šŸ“Š The graph below describes the use of fixed telephone lines, mobile phones, and internet between 1994 and 2005 in China. šŸ“
The chart illustrates information about three categories of mobile communication -
telephone
Use synonyms
 lines, mobile phones, and internet from 1994 to 2005 in China. ā€‹
Overall
Linking Words
, three figures witnessed an enormous growth,
while
Linking Words
 the usage of mobile communication reached a peak from its initial state.
In addition
Linking Words
, the figures for fixed
telephone
Use synonyms
 and internet users saw a significant rise during
Correct article usage
the
show examples
period. ā€‹In more detail,
people
Check wording
the number of people
show examples
 who used mobile
phone
Check wording
phones
show examples
 remained unchanged at zero between 1994 and 1995, and
then
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 figure witnessed a dramatic increase to 350 in 2003 before
reached
Wrong verb form
reaching
show examples
 a peak
at
Change preposition
of
show examples
 450
at the end
Linking Words
 of the year. ā€‹Notably,
Correct article usage
the
show examples
telephone
Use synonyms
 line started
growth
Wrong verb form
growing
show examples
 from almost 30 to 200 in 2000.
Additionally
Linking Words
, there was a significant increase
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
350 million in fixed
telephone
Use synonyms
line
Check wording
lines
show examples
 in the final year.
Moreover
Linking Words
, usage of
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 remained steady during 2 year from 1994 to 1996 at 0. Over 4 years,
this
Linking Words
 figure
also
Linking Words
 saw a gradual increase to approximately 200 million people in 2005.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
ā–¼
Vocabulary: Replace the words telephone with synonyms.
ā–¼
Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 4 times.
ā–¼
Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 4 times.
ā–¼
Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 2 times.
ā–¼
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 3 times.
ā–¼
Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
ā–¼
Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 2 times.
ā–¼
Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
ā–¼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: