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Band 5.5

Some people think children should learn a second language at primary school. Do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
Nowadays, a new topic has arisen in our society
:
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
 Some people think
children
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 should learn a
second
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language
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 at primary
school
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. I agree because it broadens their knowledge, increases their awareness of life's complexities, and helps them discover new opportunities in the future.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
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 with, I agree that
children
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 who learn a
second
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language
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 at primary
school
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 improve their socialising skills and become more aware of other cultures and how to handle difficult situations.
This
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 is because they expand their vocabulary and knowledge of different topics,
such
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 as food, norms, and religion, and can use it in diverse situations,
such
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 as understanding how other cultures deal with procrastination and discipline issues.
For example
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, in our region, specifically in a private
school
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 called Allgad
School
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,
children
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 who learn a
second
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language
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 like English show greater ability to analyse maths and improve their performance in science experiments.
Therefore
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, learning a
second
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language
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 should be one of the government's priorities for all students.
Body paragraph 2
Another important point is that I agree
children
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 should learn a
second
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language
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 at primary
school
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 to help them explore the world.
In other words
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, it shows
children
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 the differences between countries and helps them discover their desires, opportunities, abilities, passions, and creativity.
For instance
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,
children
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 who learn a
second
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language
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 at primary
school
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, like English, are more likely to accept challenges and find solutions for daily routines like homework and household chores.
As a result
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,
this
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 can help raise a new, active generation.
Conclusion
In conclusion, both points focus on the consequences of learning a
second
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language
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. So, schools should consider these points in their notifications to make others aware of the benefits of learning a
second
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language
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 in primary
school
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.

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task response
Your view is clear: you agree that young children should learn a second language. Keep this clear view in every part of the essay.
task response
Give stronger reasons that link directly to language learning. For example, explain how learning a language helps children speak with more people, learn about other ways of life, and have more choices later.
task response
Some ideas are too far from the main point. Maths, science tests, procrastination, homework, and house work do not clearly show why a second language should start in primary school. Use examples about speaking, reading, travel, school, or future work instead.
task response
Make each example more real and fully explained. The example of Allgad School needs details: what language do pupils learn, what do they do better, and why does the language lesson cause this change?
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear order: opening, two main parts, and ending. This makes it easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Start each main part with one simple main idea, then explain it, give one close example, and end by linking back to the question.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with a clear job. 'To begin with', 'For example', and 'In conclusion' work well. Add simple links such as 'Also', 'This means', and 'Because of this' when needed.
coherence and cohesion
Your ending should state your view again and sum up your two best reasons. Do not talk about school notices, as this is a new idea that was not developed in the main parts.
task response
You answer the question directly and give two reasons for your view.
task response
You try to use examples to support your ideas, rather than only making general claims.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction clearly shows your main view and tells the reader what the essay will discuss.
coherence and cohesion
Each main part begins with a clear topic sentence, which helps the reader follow your ideas.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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