IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

In many countries, the amount of crime is increasing. What do you think are the main causes of crime? How can we deal with those crimes? Give reasons for your answer and give examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Introduction
In many countries, there are a increasing number of crimes because of many reasons.
This
Linking Words
 essay aims to declare what has made these misconduct
happened
Verb problem
apply
show examples
and give some suggestions about how to deal with these problems.
Body paragraph 1
First of all, the main causes of evil is disparity between the rich and the poor. Some people are wealthy, but some are not , who are underprivileged.
Due to
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 need, people who are poor may be forced to commit
crime
Correct article usage
a crime
show examples
. They have to fight for their
life
Use synonyms
 and supporting children.
Therefore
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, some crimes are not for the purpose
to do
Change preposition
of doing
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 but are forced by
life
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 2
Besides
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, for the well-being of society, goverment may introduce policies to lend a helping hand to those who are in need.
For example
Linking Words
, people can receive a monthly allowance to reignite their hope
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
life
Use synonyms
. The underprivileged can gain a new
life
Use synonyms
 with
this
Linking Words
 allowance.
Conclusion
In conclusion, the above are the main reasons why crime happened , and there are some
advises
Check wording
pieces of advice
show examples
 for supporting the issues.

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task response
Answer both parts in the same depth. You explain one cause, but you need more main causes, such as no jobs, drug use, poor home life, or weak law control.
task response
Give more than one way to deal with crime. Help for poor people is useful, but also explain jobs and skills, school help for young people, and fair police work.
task response
Develop each idea. Say how poverty can lead to theft, for example when a parent has no money for food or rent. Then say how job help can lower this risk.
task response
Use a clear real or made-up example. For example: “In my town, free job classes helped some young people find work instead of joining groups that break the law.”
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, a main idea, and an end. However, the second body paragraph is a solution, not another cause. Make this clear with words such as “To deal with this problem”.
coherence and cohesion
Plan four clear parts: an opening, a paragraph on causes, a paragraph on ways to deal with them, and a short ending.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words: “First,” “Another cause,” “As a result,” “To solve this,” and “In conclusion.” Do not use “Besides” when you move from causes to solutions.
coherence and cohesion
Make the ending match the essay. It should name the main causes and the main ways to deal with them, rather than say only that there are “some advises”.
task response
You choose a clear cause: the gap between rich and poor people. This is a real and useful idea for the topic.
task response
You give one way to help: monthly money for people in need. This shows that you try to answer the second part of the question.
coherence and cohesion
The essay uses paragraph breaks and has an opening and an ending, so the reader can follow the basic shape of your answer.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as “First of all,” “Therefore,” and “In conclusion” help show the order of your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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