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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that schools should focus more on practical skills than academic subjects. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
Some argue that practical
skills
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 should be more focused
in
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on in
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schools
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instead
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 of academics. I completely agree with
this
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 view and contend that through practical work in
schools
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,
students
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 can learn more quickly
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 they can get jobs easily.
Body paragraph 1
My main argument is that children can learn fast and conveniently through practical learning. Practical
learnings
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learning
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 can support
students
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how to use
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in using
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 various
equipments
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equipment
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, protective
gears
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gear
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, and organisational rules and regulations.
Although
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students
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 learn various historical
context
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contexts
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 through academic subjects, I believe that when learners do practical work during
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schools
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school
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 hours under teachers supervision, they build more confidence and learn more fast becasue they actually perform various tasks.
Additionally
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, they learn social
skills
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such
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 as respect, communication during work, and
supporitng
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supporting
 each other in
workplace
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the workplace
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.
Body paragraph 2
My second argument is that it becomes convenient for children to get jobs afterwards.
Students
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 can talk about their practical experiences and
skills
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,
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that
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 they are good at during job interviews.
Consequently
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, the chances of securing a job become higher
other than
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for
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 a person who studies
academic
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academics
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 and
do
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does
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 not have practical
skilss
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skills
.
For example
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, if a child attends practical cooking classes,
such
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 a child learns how to cut vegetables and information about various spices. Afterwards,
this
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 child can share all
this
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 knowledge during interviews.
Consequently
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,
such
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students
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 will face
less
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fewer
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 challenges in the
real-world
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real world
.
Conclusion
In conclusion, it is argued by some people
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instead
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that instead
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 of
more focusing
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focusing more
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 on academic subjects
practical
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, practical
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skills
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 should be
more
Rephrase
apply
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prioritised in
schools
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. I fully agree with
this
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 because children will learn quicker and can easily be employed.

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task response
Your view is clear from the start, and you keep the same view to the end. To make your answer stronger, explain why practical skills should have more time than academic subjects, not only why practical skills are useful.
task response
Your two main ideas are useful: faster learning and better job chances. Add one clear reason why academic subjects should still have a place in school. This will make your answer more complete.
task response
Your cooking class example is clear and fits your point. Make it more real by showing how the skill helps in a job, such as work in a cafe or food shop.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: introduction, two body parts, and conclusion. Keep this plan, but make the first sentence of each body part state the main point more directly.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are too long and join many ideas with commas. Use shorter sentences so the reader can follow each idea more easily.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. Words such as “however”, “for example”, and “as a result” can show the link between ideas more clearly. Do not repeat “consequently” too often.
coherence and cohesion
Check word forms and small grammar points that can slow the reader down, for example “practical learning”, “school hours”, “teachers’ supervision”, and “practical skills”.
task response
You answer the question directly and give a clear, strong view.
task response
Each main point has an explanation, and the cooking class example helps show your idea.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow because it has clear body parts for each main idea.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion clearly repeats your main view and the two reasons.
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