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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries, young people are moving from rural areas to cities to work or study. Why is this happening? What are advantages or disadvantages of this trend?

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Introduction
In many parts of the world, people are on teenager generation living in the countryside
seems
Correct pronoun usage
, which seems
show examples
 obvious to fly the nest to find greater opportunities in terms of career and education. There are so many opinions expressed that would be outweighed
value
Change preposition
by the value
show examples
 of their quality of
life
Use synonyms
 in the long run,
whereas
Linking Words
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 argue
that
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
that moving to the big town has several downsides
Punctuation problem
, aspect
show examples
aspect of
Check wording
including
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 high costs of living and a ton of pollution.
However
Linking Words
, I personally believe that there are both
ways its
Check wording
apply
show examples
benefits and drawbacks.
Body paragraph 1
Living in the city had several positive sides
,
Punctuation problem
. Initially
show examples
initially
Linking Words
, they could acquire a better education system because the capital and large towns provide professional trainers to
navigate
Verb problem
help
show examples
 students
coping
Wrong verb form
cope
show examples
 with an up-to-date global trend, so that they are able to survive in
the
Correct article usage
a
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 real-
life
Use synonyms
 situation.
In addition
Linking Words
, it might
value them
Verb problem
be valuable
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 to gain experience with a massive company as these firms often prioritise new graduates from
top rank
Replace the word
top-ranked
 institutions,
thus
Linking Words
, they may gain more experience and refer to their reference for
international
Correct article usage
an international
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 enterprise to advance in their working performance.
Hence
Linking Words
, I firmly agree that those points would absolutely
rewards
Wrong verb form
reward
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 them for the long-term
life
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, considering the downside, at
first,
Linking Words
it should lead them to a harmful environment since the city is provoked by the vivid society if they are unable to control themselves, so it could easily fall apart into drugs and gambling ultimately.
Secondly
Linking Words
, there are high level of competition because of a huge number of people who intensely pursue
for
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 best
benefits’ organization
Change preposition
benefits of an organisation
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, which probably
navigate
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 them progress in their career and quality of
life
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I strongly trust the fact that there are a couple of negative prospective should
pull
Rephrase
not pull
show examples
 their
life
Use synonyms
 down
further
Linking Words
.
Conclusion
In conclusion, people are moving to find the distinctive offering has increased dramatically, giving a lot of
advantage
Fix the agreement mistake
advantages
show examples
, at the same time it bring disadvantage for their individual
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.

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Task response
You answer both parts of the task: why young people move, and the good and bad sides. However, make your main view clearer. Say if you think the good sides are stronger than the bad sides, or if they are equal.
Task response
Give clearer reasons for the move. For example, young people move because city schools have more courses, and cities have more jobs with better pay.
Task response
Develop each idea with one clear example. For example: “A student from a small village may move to the city because the nearest college is many hours away.” This makes your points more real and easy to follow.
Task response
Some ideas are not clear or do not fit well. The point about city life leading to drugs and gambling is too broad. Explain it carefully, or use a more direct bad side, such as high rent, traffic, stress, or being far from family.
Coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part shape: an opening, a paragraph on good sides, a paragraph on bad sides, and an ending. Keep this shape, but make each paragraph focus on one main idea.
Coherence and cohesion
Use simple link words correctly: “First,” “Also,” “However,” “For example,” and “As a result.” Do not use many long link phrases when the meaning is not clear.
Coherence and cohesion
Make the first sentence of each body paragraph direct. For example: “Cities offer better education and job chances.” Then explain this point before moving to the next one.
Coherence and cohesion
Your ending repeats the topic, but it is hard to understand. Write a short, clear final view, such as: “In short, city life can give young people more chances, but it can also be costly and stressful.”
Task response
You include useful good sides of moving to cities, such as better schools and more job chances.
Task response
You also include bad sides, such as high living costs, pollution, and strong job competition.
Coherence and cohesion
You use paragraph breaks and show a clear change from good sides to bad sides with “On the other hand.”
Coherence and cohesion
You try to give a final answer in the last paragraph, which helps the essay feel complete.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Urbanization
  • Metropolitan
  • Career advancement
  • Higher education institutions
  • Cultural diversity
  • Infrastructure
  • Rural exodus
  • Standard of living
  • Networking
  • Overcrowding
  • Socio-economic factors
  • Quality of life
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