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Band 4.5

Artificial intelligence will replace a large proportion of human jobs in the future. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
In recent years, Artificial Intelligence (AI) has transcended into something beyond human logic. Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that in the near
future
Add a comma
future,
show examples
 AI will replace human workers in many areas,
while
Linking Words
 others believe AI is limited in some working areas.
Although
Linking Words
 the advancement of AI will be able to
helping human doing
Wrong verb form
help humans do
show examples
 their
works
Check wording
work
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, I firmly believe that some
jobs
Use synonyms
required
Wrong verb form
require
show examples
 human ability,
such
Linking Words
 as art and physical activity.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, AI development has accelerated to the point of gaining the ability to replace humans in several sectors. Even without the help of human assistance, it could perform
extraordinary
Change preposition
at extraordinary
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speed
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speeds
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 to process a massive amount of information and data, which is
it utilized
Change the spelling
utilised
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 by many companies, far more effective and efficient than
human
Check wording
humans
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
, company are no longer
needs
Correct subject-verb agreement
need
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people
Use synonyms
 with coding ability for
design
Replace the word
designing
 and
maintenance
Replace the word
maintaining
 their website
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 is it can be done easily by AI.
Consequently
Linking Words
, many
people
Use synonyms
 will lose their
jobs
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, many human abilities cannot be easily replaced by AI,
such
Linking Words
 as a sense of Art or physical existence.
Jobs
Use synonyms
 related to
art
Correct article usage
the art
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, movie and music industry
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
required
Wrong verb form
require
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 human emotions and
feeling
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feelings
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 that are hard to
copied
Wrong verb form
copy
show examples
 by AI.
Although
Linking Words
 some AI platforms are able to create videos or music that are nearly perfect, human assistance is needed to be able to make
it
Fix the agreement mistake
them
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.
Furthermore
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, the market says
people
Use synonyms
 tend to hate the short movies or music produced using AI.
Body paragraph 3
In addition
Linking Words
, AI is unable to replace humans in almost all sectors that require physical activity,
such
Linking Words
 as gardening, farming,
sport
Check wording
sports
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, and
soon
Rephrase
so on
show examples
.
Conclusion
To
summarize
Change the spelling
summarise
show examples
, the advancement of AI might be able to replace human
jobs
Use synonyms
 to some extent in the future.
However
Linking Words
, with the unique abilities that human beings possess, I firmly believe that AI will serve as a
helping
Replace the word
helpful
 tool for humanity to work daily.

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task response
State your view more clearly in the first part: AI may take many jobs, but it will not take all jobs. Keep this same view in every body part.
task response
Explain why art work needs human ideas and feelings, and why physical jobs are hard for AI. Add one clear real example for each point.
task response
Some claims need more support. For example, do not just say that people hate AI films or music. Explain why, or give a clear case.
task response
Make sure each example is correct and easy to understand. The website example is too broad because people are still needed to plan, check, and fix AI work.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main sides, and an ending. However, the short third body part feels separate. Join it with the second body part, or give it more detail.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear topic sentences at the start of each body part. Then give a reason, an example, and a short result.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a more natural way. 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand' work well, but avoid adding a new main point with 'In addition' without full support.
coherence and cohesion
Make the ending match your main view. Say clearly that AI will replace some jobs, mainly work with data, but people will still be needed in jobs needing feeling, judgment, and hands-on work.
task response
You answer the question directly and give a clear view that AI will replace some work but not all work.
task response
You use useful areas for your ideas, such as coding, art, music, farming, and sport.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear overall order: AI can take some jobs, people still have special skills, then a final summary.
coherence and cohesion
The first body part and second body part show both sides of the topic, which helps the reader follow your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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