IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In some cities, public parks and open spaces are changed into gardens where local residents can grow their own fruits and vegetables. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages? Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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Introduction
In recent times, the topic of many cities' parks and free land has been changed into gardens where local people can cultivate their own foods gathered significant attention and sparking
widespreadinterest
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widespread interest
.
Therefore
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, it is crucial to take a deep dive into its complexities and explore potential outcomes. I strongly believe it has more merits than
draw back
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drawbacks
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.
Body paragraph 1
BODY PARAGRAPH 1
Body paragraph 2
To embark upon,
nowadays
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nowadays,
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 parks are less used by society
due to
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 the high involvement of pets and animals.
Moreover
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, children throw litter around the pavement , cause unable to walk and play around.
For instance
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, a survey conducted by the "WORLD HEALTH ORGANISATION, in 2010 showed data that 75% park were affected by land waste and on 25% were cleaned.
Body paragraph 3
BODY PARAGRAPH 2
Body paragraph 4
Another valid point to be noted is
,
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apply
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 that replacing the park zones and open space with a garden will help people to grow their daily essential food in that garden.
In addition
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,
this
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 will encourage individuals to take care of that area for their cultivated food.
For example
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, in the USA, gardens are formed to reduce soil pollution , and data shows 89% of reduction in pollution and 30% increased growth in food production.
Body paragraph 5
CONCLUSION
Body paragraph 6
To recapitulate, changing parks and open spaces in the garden will increase productivity and reduce pollution rates. Apart from that,
this
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 will
also
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 raise awareness regarding the new technique for production.
Body paragraph 7
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Body paragraph 8
Sep 28, 2026
Conclusion
Unauthorized
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Unauthorised
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 use and/or duplication of
this
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 material without express and written permission from
this
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 site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task response
State your view clearly and keep it the same in all parts. You say the change is good, but your first body part mainly says parks are dirty. Explain more clearly why gardens are better than parks.
Task response
Discuss both sides. Add the main bad points, such as less room for children to play, rest, walk, or meet friends. Then explain why you think the good points are stronger.
Task response
Give fuller reasons for each point. For example, say how food gardens can help families, bring people together, and make people care for the land.
Task response
Use examples that are clear and believable. The survey facts are not explained well, and the very high numbers may not sound true. A simple real-life example can be better than unclear data.
Coherence and cohesion
Do not write labels such as “BODY PARAGRAPH 1” and “CONCLUSION” in the essay. Write full paragraphs only.
Coherence and cohesion
Make each body paragraph start with one clear main idea. Then give a reason, explain it, and add one example. This will help the reader follow your ideas.
Coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a more natural way. Words such as “First,” “However,” “Also,” “For this reason,” and “In short” can show the link between ideas.
Coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because the meaning is not clear, such as “cause unable to walk.” Write short, complete sentences with a clear subject and verb.
Coherence and cohesion
The first body paragraph does not connect strongly to your main view. Link it back by saying that gardens may be cleaner and better cared for than normal parks.
Task response
You give a clear view in the introduction and conclusion: you believe the change brings more good than harm.
Task response
You include useful ideas about growing food, caring for shared land, and cutting pollution.
Coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear basic shape with an introduction, two main parts, and a final paragraph.
Coherence and cohesion
You try to use examples and linking phrases such as “Moreover,” “In addition,” and “For example.”
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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