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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In many countries, primary and secondary schools close for two months or more in the summer holidays. What is the value of long school holidays? What are the arguments in favour of shorter school holidays?

6.5 / 9
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Introduction
Nowadays, in many countries, primary and secondary schools are closing between two months and sometimes more during the summer periods.
This
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 essay will discuss the importance of long holidays,
as well as
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 many points about the benefits of having a shorter break.
Body paragraph 1
A long break for students is essential for their lifestyle, because it gives them time to rest, do activities, travel, but
also
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 to work to gain experience in real life and discover the real world,
in addition
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 to what they learn at school.
For example
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, in Europe, many schools offer
this
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 time to the pupils to let them have the opportunity to travel and discover other cultures, to do an internship, or an exchange program. It is very important to give them a space between their life and school to let them discover new hobbies, passions,and adifferent vision of the world.
Body paragraph 2
But
on the other hand
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, short holidays can be efficient for some people, because a too long period can be hard for some because it leads to difficulties getting back to the routine, to readapt themselves.
For instance
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, in France, holidays are frequent, every two months. The government wants to reduce it, because students are not performing well after a long time without studying, reading , etc. So, they want to limit the frequency of breaks to lead to a better way of learning
Conclusion
To conclude
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, most schools take into account the importance of giving a long break to their students for their well-being. But some points value the short breaks' benefits.

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. Explain the value of long holidays in more depth, then give more than one clear reason for shorter holidays.
task response
Make each main idea clear: long breaks can help children rest, spend time with family, travel, or try new things. Shorter breaks can help them keep study habits and make it easier to return to school.
task response
Give examples that clearly prove your point. The France example is useful, but explain exactly how long breaks may affect learning. Be careful with broad claims about Europe unless you can support them.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an ending. Keep this shape, but make the links between ideas smoother.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body paragraph with one direct main idea. Then add an explanation and one example. This will make the reader follow your points more easily.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple link words well: “First,” “Also,” “However,” “For example,” and “In conclusion.” Do not put too many ideas in one long sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Make the ending stronger by summarising both views and giving a clear final view. At present, it repeats the two sides but does not clearly say which plan is best.
task response
You discuss both long and short school holidays, so you address all parts of the question.
task response
Your points about rest, travel, work, and getting back into study are relevant to the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow because it has an introduction, one paragraph for each side, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use helpful signposts such as “For example,” “on the other hand,” and “To conclude.”
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • long holidays
  • short holidays
  • summer break
  • rest
  • health
  • family time
  • travel
  • reading
  • learning
  • memory
  • gaps
  • exams
  • curriculum
  • planning
  • cost
  • money
  • parent
  • teacher
  • student
  • school
  • summer school
  • enrichment
  • activities
  • schedule
  • fairness
  • access
  • inequality
  • support
  • spare time
  • staggered holidays
  • intersession
  • balance
  • policy
  • example
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