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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The best way to provide enough homes in large cities is to build tall apartment blocks. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Introduction
In our modern day and age, the world's economy and population has expereinced immense growth and
continues
Correct subject-verb agreement
continue
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 to increase with no sign of slowing. One major development that has
occured
Correct your spelling
occurred
 from
this
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-
Punctuation problem
apply
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is the development of major cities all across the world.
However
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, there is an issue of overpopulation and
thus
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 overcrowding. And a solution that seems to be consistent in most countries
;
Punctuation problem
,
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 is to build large
apartmertment
Correct your spelling
apartment
 blocks designed to
house
Use synonyms
 many
people
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while
Linking Words
 being as efficient as possible; is
this
Linking Words
 the best way to solve
this
Linking Words
 problem?
Body paragraph 1
Tall buildings used for
accomodation
Correct your spelling
accommodation
 are a result of architectural ingenuity. An
apartment
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 building in a large city or town can
house
Use synonyms
 hundreds of
people
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while
Linking Words
 taking up relatively very little
land
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,
Correct word order
; instead,
show examples
instead
Linking Words
 they are built upwards.
As well as
Linking Words
 being efficient in terms of space, it is
also
Linking Words
 efficient when it comes to finances. A single
house
Use synonyms
 needs
it's
Use the right word
its
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 own individual foundation, plumbing, electricity, etc.;
on the contrary
Linking Words
, a housing complex
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 can have a single system that provides necessities for all the residents, which is
cost efficient
Correct your spelling
cost-efficient
 for everyone involved.
Body paragraph 2
However
Linking Words
, there are
people
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that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 believe owning a
singular
Correct word choice
single
show examples
land
Use synonyms
 and home is the better option.
This
Linking Words
 mainly comes from personal bias; the belief that living in an
apartment
Use synonyms
 block is in some way inferior to owning a home. But it mainly comes down to the individual complexes and their respective qualities, and it is still possible to own a flat of your own.
Furthermore
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, looking at the issue from a more objective lens, it is better to build more
apartment
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 complexes, especially in large cities.
For
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example
Add a comma
example,
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 Tokyo, which has the majority of
it's
Use the right word
its
show examples
 urban population living in residential buildings. And
due to
Linking Words
it's
Correct determiner usage
its
show examples
 superior planning, it has managed to
house
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multimillions
Correct your spelling
millions
 of
people
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while
Linking Words
 using the least amount of
land
Use synonyms
as
Rephrase
apply
show examples
possible, leaving
lagre
Correct your spelling
large
 amounts of Japan's nature untouched. And still Tokyo's standard of living is regarded very highly.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I believe the best way to provide homes for
people
Use synonyms
 in large urban settlements is to build
apartment
Use synonyms
 complexes. They can differ in quality, but the
overall
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 idea of being
land
Use synonyms
 and resource
effecient
Correct your spelling
efficient
 is very beneficial considering the rapid population growth and scarcity of resources.

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task response
Your view is clear: you agree that tall flats are the best way to house people in big cities. To make your answer stronger, explain why this is the best choice, not only a good choice. You could compare it more fully with other ways, such as building new areas outside the city or using empty homes.
task response
Your main points about land, cost, and shared services are useful. Add one more clear point about how tall blocks can place more people near jobs, schools, and public transport. This would make your case more complete.
task response
The Tokyo example is on topic and helps your answer. Make the link clearer by saying exactly how high homes, good planning, and public transport help people live well in a very crowded city.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear shape: an opening, two main parts, and an ending. Keep each main paragraph focused on one main idea. The second body paragraph starts with views about owning a house, then moves to Tokyo. You could split these into two paragraphs or make the link between them clearer.
coherence and cohesion
Use fewer long sentences with many ideas. Some sentences are hard to follow because they use several commas and semicolons. Write shorter sentences to make your meaning easier to read.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a more natural way. For example, instead of 'And a solution' or 'And still Tokyo', begin with 'One solution is' or 'Even so, Tokyo'. This will make the flow smoother.
task response
You answer the question directly and keep your main view the same from the opening to the ending.
task response
You give clear reasons for tall flats, including saving land and sharing costly services.
task response
The example of Tokyo is relevant and supports your main view.
coherence and cohesion
Your ideas are ordered in a clear way, with reasons for tall flats followed by a different view and your reply to it.
coherence and cohesion
The final paragraph clearly restates your main view and brings the essay to a proper end.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • housing shortage = not enough homes for people
  • apartment block = a large building with many flats
  • high-rise building = a very tall building
  • limited land = not much land available
  • population growth = the number of people increases
  • urban spread = the city grows into outer areas
  • public transport = buses, trains, and metro systems
  • living conditions = the quality of daily life at home
  • city planning = the way a city is designed and managed
  • green space = parks and open natural areas
  • daily needs = things people need every day
  • costly land = land that is very expensive
  • mixed housing = different kinds of homes in one area
  • sense of community = the feeling of belonging with neighbors
  • traffic pressure = too many cars on the roads
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