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Band 4.5

These days, many university courses are offered through the internet. Some people think that online teaching has more advantages than conventional classroom teaching or lectures, while others claim that there are significant disadvantages. Do the benefits of online teaching outweigh the disadvantages?

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Introduction
The issue of the university courses that are
offerd
Correct your spelling
offered
 through the internet has sparked considerable debate in recent years.Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that online teaching has more advantages than conventional classroom teaching or lectures,
while
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 others argure there are disadvantages
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 online teaching.
This
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 essay will examine both perspectives before offering my own opinion.
Although
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 both arguments have their merits,I firmly believe that online teaching has benefits .
Body paragraph 1
On one hand,those who advocate that online teaching has more advantages than conventional classroom teaching argue that it
provides
Verb problem
allows
show examples
people
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 to learn easily .
For instance
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,if a student wants to learn,he can open his laptop and take his course from her room.
Furthermore
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,online teaching can support
people
Use synonyms
 who can not go to school .
For example
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,if a boy
his legs had broken
Correct word order
had broken his legs
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,he could get teaching online.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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,many who hold the belief that online teaching has disadvantages emphasise that there are many
people
Use synonyms
 who can not afford digital technology to take online teaching.
For instance
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,if a girl
her family is
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from a
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 poor
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
she
Correct pronoun usage
family
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 can not learn because she
do
Correct subject-verb agreement
does
show examples
 not have
device
Correct article usage
a device
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 to take the online teaching.
In addition
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,there are many problem technology in
the
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apply
show examples
online teaching,which is the reason why many
people
Use synonyms
 do
no
Rephrase
not
show examples
 prefer online teaching.
For example
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,if students do an exam online ,the digital technology might break down
while
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 students do the exam.
Conclusion
To sum up
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,
while
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 there are valid arguments on both sides,I firmly believe that online teaching has benefits.The reasons outlined above clearly demonstrate that online teaching can help
people
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 who
unable
Verb problem
are unable
show examples
 to go to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
school and assist
people
Use synonyms
 to learn easily.

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task response
Answer the main question more clearly. You say online teaching has more good points, but you also give strong bad points. Explain why the good points are greater than the bad points.
task response
Develop each main idea more. For example, say how learning at home saves travel time and helps students who are ill. Then explain why these gains matter more than the cost of a device or internet problems.
task response
Use more real and clear examples. Instead of only “a boy” or “a girl”, write about students who live far from a university, have a health problem, or work while they study.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an end. Keep this plan, but make each part start with one clear main idea and then add an explanation and an example.
coherence and cohesion
Make links between sentences smoother. Use simple words such as “This means that”, “As a result”, “However”, and “For this reason” to show how one idea leads to the next.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating the same words too often, such as “online teaching has benefits”. You can say “this way of learning”, “online classes”, or “learning on the internet”.
coherence and cohesion
Check sentence form carefully because some sentences are hard to understand. For example, write “Online teaching allows people to learn more easily” and “If a student breaks a leg, they can attend classes from home.”
task response
You discuss both sides of the question and give your own view.
task response
Your ideas are connected to the topic, especially learning from home and problems with devices and internet.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction tells the reader what the essay will discuss, and the ending gives your view again.
coherence and cohesion
You use clear paragraph links such as “On one hand”, “On the other hand”, and “To sum up”.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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