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Writing Samples
Band 4

The influence of human beings on the world's ecosystem is leading to the extinction of species and loss of bio-diversity. What are the primary causes of loss of bio-diversity? What solutions can you suggest? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge.

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Introduction
The issue of the influence of human beings on the world`s ecosystem is leading to the extinction of species and loss of
bio-diversity
Correct your spelling
biodiversity
 has become a significant
concren
Correct your spelling
concern
 in recent years.It is widely believed that loss of bio-diversity affect people`s lives.
This
Linking Words
 essay explores the causes of the problem and suggests possible solutions.
Body paragraph 1
One major cause is that many hunters kill a variety of
animals
Use synonyms
 to gain a lot of money,which
impact
Verb problem
has an impact
show examples
 on increasing the extinction of species and loss of
bio-diversity
Correct your spelling
biodiversity
.
For instance
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,if a hunter sees a rare animal,the hunter will kill the rare animal to buy its skin.Another factor is that the
government
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 do not care about
animals
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 ,so
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
many
animals
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 might die because the
animals
Use synonyms
 do not have food to be alive.
For example
Linking Words
,if a cat has not
ate
Wrong verb form
eaten
show examples
 for five days,the cat might die because people see the cat and do not pay attention
for
Change preposition
to
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 her.
Body paragraph 2
One solution is that the
government
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 should build a protected area for
animals
Use synonyms
,which can assist
animals
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 to gain
foods
Check wording
food
show examples
 and
houses
Check wording
shelter
show examples
.
For instance
Linking Words
,if all
animals
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 live in the protected area, many species will be alive.Another possible solution is that killing
animals
Use synonyms
 should be banned by the
government
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 people who kill
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
animals
Use synonyms
 should be punished ,which would help to protect
animals
Use synonyms
 from hunters .
For example
Linking Words
,if the
government
Use synonyms
put
Verb problem
imposed
show examples
 a punishment to protect
animals
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 ,many hunters
will feel
Wrong verb form
would be
show examples
 afraid to kill
animals
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.
Conclusion
To sum up
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,the influence of human beings on the world`s ecosystem
Correct pronoun usage
, which
show examples
that is
Linking Words
 leading to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
extinction
Punctuation problem
extinction,
show examples
 is a pressing issue.By adopting
to
Check wording
measures to
show examples
 build a protected area and
put
Verb problem
impose
show examples
 punishment
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 people who kill
animals
Use synonyms
,we can address the root causes and work towards a better outcome.

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task response
Answer both parts with more full ideas. Explain that loss of wild land, cutting down trees, dirty water, and too much hunting are key causes. Your second cause is not clear: say that weak laws and little care from leaders let animals lose food and homes.
task response
Make each example more real and more closely linked to the main point. The cat example is about one pet, not loss of many kinds of animals. Use an example such as forests being cut down, so birds and other animals lose their homes.
task response
Explain how each answer will work. For example, protected land gives wild animals safe homes and food, while strong laws and fines can stop people from killing rare animals.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an end. Keep this plan, but make the links between ideas smoother. Use simple words such as "First", "Also", "As a result", and "For this reason".
coherence and cohesion
Give one main cause or one main answer in each part. Some sentences are very long and join too many ideas. Split them into short, clear sentences.
coherence and cohesion
Use the same key words clearly. For example, write "loss of biodiversity" and "species extinction" in a steady way. Avoid repeating "animals" and "kill" too often by using "wildlife" or "rare species" when needed.
task response
You address both the causes and the solutions, and your ideas stay on the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow because it has an introduction, cause parts, solution parts, and a short ending.
coherence and cohesion
You often use examples after your main ideas, which helps the reader understand your point.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • habitat destruction
  • deforestation
  • urbanization
  • overexploitation
  • climate change
  • pollution
  • invasive species
  • conservation
  • sustainable practices
  • greenhouse gas emissions
  • ecosystems
  • species population
  • genetic diversity
  • environmental awareness
  • protected areas
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