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Writing Samples
Band 5

"Some people think that university students should focus only on the subjects of their major, while others believe that students should study whatever they are passionate about, whether it is relevant to their career or not. Discuss both views and give your opinion."

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Introduction
Many individuals say that young people should leave their families once they become adults to build their life from the beginning;
however
Linking Words
, others say that they should not. People debate between if parents should allow their teenagers to leave them and travel abroad or even inside the country to achieve their goals and reach to the best version of themselves,
while
Linking Words
 others argue that adults better be with their families until they turn into the age of 20, so they can be fully prepared once they decide to travel abroad to make achievements.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, travelling abroad as an adult might be difficult because it requires a lot of sacrifices,
such
Linking Words
 as leaving friends and family early, and big changes when it comes to the environment that he
uses
Wrong verb form
is used
show examples
 to living in.
However
Linking Words
, if a
grownup
Correct your spelling
grown-up
person
Use synonyms
 knows how to be fully responsible and handle things in a wise way, he could definitely change his life
way
Change preposition
for the
show examples
better, especially if he is from one of those countries that do not provide students with their needs. Most of the successful engineers or developers from India had to leave the country once they became
gentleperson
Fix the agreement mistake
gentlemen
show examples
, they did that because the have seen the chances right there.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, being with your family and your group of friends
while
Linking Words
 you are building your life and achieving your personal goals can help you much more than travelling abroad, especially if you are a gentleperson, because family is one of the most important aspects of our lives, and existing with them can be much more supportive for you rather than leaving them.
Use synonyms
person
Correct article usage
A person
show examples
 can make a lot of cognitive developments with their family because they can be focused only on the aspects that they need to improve, without being distracted by handling a lot of things at the same time.
Conclusion
In conclusion, families should decide what is better for their
person
Use synonyms
 based on their personalities and desires. Travelling abroad could bring success for the
person
Use synonyms
 if he knows how to handle things well, and being surrounded by family can be very supportive for the man , and he will be able to be completely focused on the goals that he wants to achieve.

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task response
Your essay answers a different question. The task is about what subjects university students should study, but your essay is about young adults leaving home and going abroad. Read the question again and make sure every main idea answers it.
task response
Discuss both views: studying only the major, and studying subjects a student loves even if they are not linked to work. Then state your own view clearly and explain why.
task response
Use clear examples about university study. For example, an engineering student may need to focus on maths and design, but may also learn art or a language for new skills and pleasure.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an end. However, the ideas do not match the given topic, so the whole argument is hard to follow as an answer to the task.
coherence and cohesion
Start with a direct introduction to university subjects. In each body paragraph, give one main point, explain it, and add one example. This will make your writing easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple link words carefully, such as “On the one hand”, “For example”, “However”, and “In conclusion”. Make sure each link joins ideas about the same topic.
task response
You tried to show two sides of an issue and gave your own final view.
coherence and cohesion
Your writing is divided into an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which gives it a clear basic shape.
coherence and cohesion
You use some useful linking phrases, such as “On the one hand”, “On the other hand”, and “In conclusion”.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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