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Band 4.5

Some people think that computers are more of a hindrance than a help in today's society. Others believe that they are such indispensable tools that they would not be able to live or work without them. Discuss both opinions and give your opinion.

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Introduction
Nowadays, technology is making our
Use synonyms
life more
Check wording
lives
show examples
 easier
which
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, which
show examples
 is
great
Correct article usage
a great
show examples
 example
is
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of
show examples
computers
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.
However
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, some people believe that
computers
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 are more of a distraction than a help in our
lifes
Correct your spelling
lives
. Some of us believe that they are
such
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 essential
tools
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 that they would not be irreplaceable. Personally, I completely agree that
computers
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 are
such
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 a vital
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tools
Fix the agreement mistake
tool
show examples
 in our daily
life
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.
This
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 essay will discuss both views.
Body paragraph 1
The
computer
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 has many
advantage
Fix the agreement mistake
advantages
show examples
,
whereas
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 we are spending too much time on it. It means it starts losing our productivity if we can not use it
right
Correct article usage
the right
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 way. Many young people struggle to find
balance
Correct article usage
a balance
show examples
 of usage of digital
tools
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.
For example
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, playing games or
addicted
Verb problem
being addicted
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 internet rather than using it for their
self development
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self-development
. Recently, those are become
common
Correct article usage
a common
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 social problem.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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,
computers
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 are making our
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life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 much easier. We can find any information on
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 using
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computer
Correct article usage
a computer
show examples
.
Also
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, we are using it
for
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to
show examples
 save our
times
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time
show examples
. Especially, in work
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computers
Punctuation problem
, computers
show examples
 are
such
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 vital
tools
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. The simple example is digital
tools
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such
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 as
microsoft, excel
Correct word order
Microsoft, Excel,
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 and online meeting
tools
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.
Body paragraph 3
From my personal experience, I always use
excel
Capitalize the proper name
Excel
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 to manage my monthly expenses
which
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, which
show examples
 are very helpful. I used to do it on my notebook by hand before
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 now using
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
computer
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 is making it
more smart
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smarter
 and
easy
Replace the word
easier
.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
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computer has
Correct subject-verb agreement
computers have
show examples
 their own benefits and disadvantages. It actually depends on each individuals that how we use it.
Therefore
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, if we can find
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 good balance
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computers
Punctuation problem
, computers
show examples
 are sophisticated
tools
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 in human
life
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.

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task response
You answer both sides and give your own view. However, the first side needs more detail. Explain more clearly how computer use can hurt work, study, sleep, or real life time.
task response
Make your view more exact. You say computers are very important, but also say they can cause problems. State that computers are helpful when people use them with care and control.
task response
Use examples that fit each main point. Your game and internet example is good. Add one clear work or study example, such as doing work from home or finding study facts fast.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an end. Keep one main idea in each body part: problems in one part and help in the other.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. For example: “However, if people spend too much time on computers, they may become less productive.” This is clearer than joining two ideas with “whereas”.
coherence and cohesion
Make the end more direct. Say again that computers bring both good and bad points, but their good points are greater when people use them in a balanced way.
coherence and cohesion
Check word forms and sentence order so your ideas are easy to follow. For example, write “Computers have many advantages” and “We use them to save time.”
task response
You discuss both opinions, give your own view, and include a personal example about using Excel for monthly costs.
coherence and cohesion
The main order is easy to follow: introduction, problems, benefits, personal example, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use some helpful linking words, such as “However,” “On the other hand,” and “In conclusion.”
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • hindrance
  • indispensable
  • over-reliance
  • privacy breaches
  • productivity
  • global communication
  • vast amounts of information
  • efficiency
  • connectivity
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