IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

In some places, teenagers are encouraged to get part-time job while they are still in school. Do the advantages of teenagers working outweigh the disadvantages ?

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Introduction
Nowadays
Punctuation problem
Nowadays,
show examples
 many teenagers have part-
time
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
job
Check wording
jobs
show examples
while
Linking Words
 they
still
Verb problem
are still
show examples
 at school, there
many
Verb problem
are many
show examples
 advantages
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
Linking Words
work
Use synonyms
 and not that
much of
Correct determiner usage
many
show examples
 disadvantages.
Body paragraph 1
Starting with types of jobs, there
several
Verb problem
are several
show examples
 types of
work
Use synonyms
 that
teenager
Fix the agreement mistake
teenagers
show examples
 can do in
the
Correct article usage
their
show examples
 free
time
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, working in fast food
resturants
Correct your spelling
restaurants
,
do
Wrong verb form
doing
show examples
 community
works
Check wording
work
show examples
 ( no
mony
Correct your spelling
money
 for
this
Linking Words
 type of
work
Use synonyms
), working at
supermarket
Correct article usage
a supermarket
show examples
, working at
car
Correct article usage
a car
show examples
wahsing
Correct your spelling
washing
.
In addition
Linking Words
,
Linking Words
also they can
Correct word order
they can also
show examples
 do garden
work
Use synonyms
, like
cuting
Correct your spelling
cutting
 the grass or collecting the
leafs
Replace the word
leaves
 and watering the plants.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are many
binifts
Correct your spelling
benefits
 of part
time
Use synonyms
job
Use synonyms
 that return to the teenager.
First,
Linking Words
they can be financially independent, which
they can
Verb problem
allows them to
show examples
 gain more profit by working,
which
Correct word choice
and
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 they can reduce the independe on their family.
Second,
Linking Words
improve their
communications
Check wording
communication
show examples
 skills and their confident by their self. For
instanse
Correct your spelling
instance
, they can
comunicate
Correct your spelling
communicate
 with other people
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 can make them
speaking
Wrong verb form
speak
show examples
 freely and make them more confident when they speak.
Third,
Linking Words
they can save their
time
Use synonyms
 in
somthing
Correct your spelling
something
 that
return
Correct subject-verb agreement
returns
show examples
 a
binfit
Correct your spelling
benefit
 to them
instead
Linking Words
 of playing video games or spending hours
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the internet. The advantages of
part-
Correct article usage
a part-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
job
Use synonyms
more than
Verb problem
far outweigh
show examples
 the disadvantages, which bearly have.
Body paragraph 3
To
conclud
Verb problem
conclude
show examples
, there are many different
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
show examples
 of part
time
Use synonyms
job
Use synonyms
 for teenagers, they can
choice
Replace the word
choose
 what they want to do. The
binifit
Correct your spelling
benefit
 of part
time
Use synonyms
job
Use synonyms
 can
helps
Wrong verb form
help
show examples
 them in their future and their
currunt
Correct your spelling
current
 life, make them
Conclusion
financially independent, get more skills and use their
time
Use synonyms
 in
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
 way.

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task response
Answer the main question more fully. You say that the good points are greater, but you do not explain the bad points. Add one full paragraph about problems, such as less time for school work, stress, or being very tired.
task response
Make your main view clear in the first paragraph: part-time work is good only if hours are limited and school comes first. Then show why the good points are stronger than the bad points.
task response
Develop each good point with a clear result. For example, say how earning money can help a teenager pay for travel or school things, and how work with customers can help them speak with people.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clearer plan: first paragraph with your view; one paragraph on good points; one paragraph on bad points; then a short ending. The first body paragraph now lists jobs, but it does not help much with the question.
coherence and cohesion
Start each paragraph with one clear main idea. Do not put many job examples in one long list. Choose one or two examples and explain them.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words to show the order of your ideas: “First”, “Also”, “However”, “For example”, and “In conclusion”. Make sure each sentence is complete before moving to the next idea.
coherence and cohesion
The ending stops suddenly after “make them”. Finish the last sentence and restate your view clearly.
task response
You give a clear general view that part-time work can help teenagers become more independent, build skills, and use free time well.
task response
Your examples of work, such as fast-food work, shop work, and garden work, are related to teenagers and make the topic easy to understand.
coherence and cohesion
You use paragraph breaks and helpful signposts such as “On the other hand”, “First”, “Second”, and “To conclude”.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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