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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

It is importnat for childern to learn difference between right and wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn this distinction. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? What sort of punishment should parets and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behaviour to childern?

4.5 / 9
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Introduction
Home is
first
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the first
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shool
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school
 for
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childern
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children
 because
this
Linking Words
 is where learning begins. Awareness of good and bad must be provided to childernfrom early ages of 2-5
etc
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, etc
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. I firmly agree with
the
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apply
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punishing infants for their bad deeds.
Body paragraph 1
Punishment
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 has steong linkage with sub-concious mind. If a child has
punished
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been punished
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 once for
specific
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a specific
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 reason psychologicaly he ill prevent to do the
sae
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same
 thing again.
Moreover
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,
For
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for children's
childern
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's repeated behaviour of doing wrong things,
Punishment
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 acts as
precautionary
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a precautionary
show examples
 measure to teach them disciplinary actions.
For instance
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,
Suppose
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suppose
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 a little boy is lying with
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parents
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his parents
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 3rd time
,
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.
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 If he gets
strict
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a strict
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response
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response,
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 he is
likeliy
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likely
 to lessen
this
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 bad
habbit
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habit
 next time.
Body paragraph 2
Furthermore
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,
Punishment
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 can
built
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build
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 fear of making
parents
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 and teachers angry
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due
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, due
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 to
this
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childern
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 would not be willing for any sort of action that
make
Verb problem
would make
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 their
teacher
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teachers
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 and
parents
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 furious.
However
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, giving extra free-hand to
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childern's
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children's
 deeds would be fatal for them
so
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, so
show examples
 that
,
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apply
show examples
 they will become more careless if there
will be
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is
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 no accountability.
For example
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,
In
Correct determiner usage
in the
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 classroom, students restrict themselves from stealing
other's
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others'
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 accessories because of fear of insult and
instructor's
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the instructor's
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 rude behaviour.
Body paragraph 3
Having said that, teachers and
parents
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 must be alert and
concious
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conscious
 in case of punishing
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childern
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children
. They must not punish
childs
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children
show examples
 beyond their capacity to bear. Well, more and
more
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more,
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 they should scold them verbally. Because
swear
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severe
show examples
 physical punishments will result in making
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childern
Correct your spelling
children
 stubborn and
rebelious
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rebellious
.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I would like to
summarize
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summarise
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 the points by saying that
,
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apply
show examples
 punishments can play
key
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a key
show examples
 role in teaching what to do and what not to do, but these harsh statements must not cross the limits.
Hence
Linking Words
,
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childern
Correct your spelling
children
 would become pious and will learn
difference
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the difference
show examples
 between good and bad if
parents
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 start guiding them from
eatly
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early
 ages, even with the help of soft
punishment
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Give a clear view in the first part: you agree, but only with safe and small punishment. This will make your main idea more exact.
task response
Answer the second question more fully. Say what parents and teachers can do, such as a calm talk, saying sorry, losing a small treat, or time away from a game. Also say that hitting, shouting, and public shame should not be used.
task response
Your ideas about fear are clear, but fear should not be the main way to teach children. Explain that children learn better when adults tell them why an act is wrong and show them how to act well.
task response
Make each example more real and clear. For example, explain what a parent should do when a child lies, and why this helps the child tell the truth next time.
coherence and cohesion
Use one main idea in each body part. The first body part can explain why limits are needed. The next can explain safe kinds of punishment and why harsh acts are wrong.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words such as “First”, “Also”, “However”, “For example”, and “As a result”. Do not use too many long links in one sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Some lines are hard to follow because the order of ideas is not always clear. Put the point first, then explain it, then give one example.
coherence and cohesion
Your ending repeats the main idea, which is good. Make it stronger by restating that punishment should be calm, fair, and not hurt the child.
task response
You give a clear opinion and stay on the main topic of teaching children right and wrong.
task response
You include both parents and teachers, and you give examples from home and school.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, body parts, and an ending.
coherence and cohesion
You use words such as “Moreover”, “Furthermore”, “However”, and “For example” to show links between ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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