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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Young people are often influenced in their behaviour and situations by others in the same age. This is called “peer pressure” do the advantages of peer pressure outweigh the disadvantage.

5.5 / 9
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Introduction
Many argue that the actions of the young generation are easily influenced by people of the same age group.
Although
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peer
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 groups can benefit individuals by improving good characteristics and academic scores, I believe that the disadvantages are more
significant
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significant,
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 given that
students
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 often suffer from harsh competition and might lose their self-identity and uniqueness by following their friends.
Body paragraph 1
One of the benefits of
peer
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pressure
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 is that it acts as a positive motivator to achieve goals in school or daily life. When
students
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 are influenced by high-performing peers, they are likely to strive to catch up with the most competent
students
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 in class, burning their midnight oil to get high scores on exams.
That is
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 why prestigious universities
,
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apply
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 and high schools tend to recruit top-tier
students
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initially
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, as these individuals can set a standard for others and stimulate their motivation to reach higher academic goals. Another advantage includes improvement in soft skills. Simply engaging in group projects or getting
along with
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 peers allows individuals to improve communication skills
or
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,
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 cooperation
and
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, and
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 other positive qualities
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such
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, such
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 as a sense of empathy, patience, and being
considerate
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considerate,
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 to maintain healthy relationships.
Body paragraph 2
However
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, one of the challenges is that
peer
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pressure
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 can foster excessive competition among
students
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. Some may feel inadequate by constantly comparing their abilities to those with higher academic performance.
This
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 negative mindset can ultimately lead to severe consequences,
such
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 as a lack of self-esteem or even suicidal thoughts. Beyond
this
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, adolescence is a sensitive period where teenagers do not want to be isolated from their social group.
This
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 makes them follow coolness, buying expensive items
such
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 as a Gucci wallet or an iPhone. They are willing to follow not only fashion styles, but
also
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 thoughts,
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
, and language, which can lead to loss of self-identity and uniqueness.
Such
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 a fear of exclusion often triggers anti-social
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
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.
That is
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 because some teenagers feel insecure when they do not cooperate with friends who are involved in crimes, bullying, or violence. It is common to see teenagers smoke or drink
liquor
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alcohol
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 at school, engage in theft or drug trafficking, resulting in poor academic performance and weak career progression.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
while
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peer
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pressure
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 can provide positive motivation to boost performance, I believe that the younger generation often suffers from toxic competition and constant comparison.
Therefore
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, a more effective approach is needed to protect
students
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 and ensure they remain safe and healthy, shielding them from the harmful effects of extreme
peer
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pressure
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.

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task response
Your answer clearly says that the bad sides are greater. Keep this clear view in every main part.
task response
Add a little more balance. For example, explain when peer pressure is helpful and when it becomes harmful. This will make your answer more complete.
task response
Some bad examples are very strong, such as crime and drug use. Link them more clearly to peer pressure, so they do not seem too general.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part shape: start, good sides, bad sides, and end. This makes it easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
The bad-side paragraph has many ideas: school pressure, fear of being left out, buying things, crime, and poor school work. Split it into two parts or use clearer links between these ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Use simpler links at times. For example, use 'Also', 'As a result', and 'For this reason' to show how one idea leads to the next.
coherence and cohesion
In the last sentence, 'a more effective approach is needed' is not clear. Say who should act, such as parents, schools, or teachers, and what they should do.
task response
You answer both the good and bad sides, and your final view is clear.
task response
The school example is useful and fits the main idea well.
coherence and cohesion
Each main paragraph begins with a clear main point.
coherence and cohesion
The start and end match well: both show that the bad sides are greater.
Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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