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Writing Samples
Band 1

Many young people leave school with negative attitudes towards learning. What are the causes？How to encourage young people to study？

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The negative attitudes by students towards learning
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 more prevalent than ever before, though the education system is more developed and functional compared to a century ago. There are quite a few motives behind
this
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 behaviour which can't be overlooked, because the outcomes of discouragement for learning
also
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 influence their success in the future. From my perspective, one potent factor is that
educational
Correct article usage
the educational
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 environment tends to put learners against each other by several causes
Linking Words
such
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, such
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 as
,
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apply
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 motivation, activeness in classes and cognitive ability. Many students are required to pass every test and task with flying colours at all times.
However
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, it is not convenient to meet these expectations, as pupils differ in their nature,
conseqeuently
Correct your spelling
consequently
 not meeting the criteria of their social surroundings
including
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, including
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 teachers, parents and
relatives
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relatives,
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 makes them develop
negativ
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negative
 attitudes.

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task response
You explain one main cause: pressure from tests, teachers, parents, and other students. However, the answer does not yet explain how young people can be encouraged to study. Add a full second main part with clear ways to help, such as praise, useful lessons, choice of subjects, and support for students who find work hard.
task response
Develop each main idea more fully. Say why test pressure makes students dislike learning, and give a short real example. For example, a student who often gets low marks may stop trying because they feel they can never do well.
task response
Do not spend too much time comparing school now with school a century ago, because this does not directly answer the question. Keep the focus on causes and ways to encourage study.
coherence and cohesion
Your opening gives the topic and your next paragraph has one clear cause. Use a simple plan: introduction, causes, ways to encourage study, and conclusion. This will make the answer easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body paragraph with one clear main idea. Then explain it and add an example. Avoid putting many ideas in one long sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words to show the order of your ideas: First, Also, For example, As a result, and In conclusion. Make sure each link shows a clear connection.
language and clarity
Check word forms and spelling. For example, write 'negative attitudes among students', 'several reasons', 'consequently', and 'negative attitudes'. Use shorter, clearer sentences when you can.
task response
You identify an important cause: strong pressure to do well in every test and task.
task response
You show that students are different in ability and needs, which is a useful point for this topic.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction clearly presents the general problem and leads into your main view.
coherence and cohesion
The first body paragraph stays mainly focused on one idea: competition and high expectations.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • academic pressure
  • holistic understanding
  • irrelevant
  • disengage
  • supportive learning environment
  • undiganosed issues
  • frustration
  • aversion
  • peer pressure
  • stigma
  • academically inclined
  • non-academic peers
  • digital age
  • over-reliance
  • instant gratification
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