IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that art is no longer important and funding should be diverted to the development of science and technology. Do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
Some individuals are of the view that
art
Use synonyms
 is not essential anymore
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 funding should be directed towards the growth and expansion of science and technology. I disagree with
this
Linking Words
 statement because
art
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 can help in sustaining local
traditions
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 and
culture
Use synonyms
 and make our surroundings more vibrant.
Body paragraph 1
Art
Use synonyms
 helps in preserving
culture
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 and
traditions
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.
This
Linking Words
 is because investing in
maintainance
Correct your spelling
maintenance
 of ancient
artforms
Correct your spelling
art forms
 by financially supporting them would encourage
such
Linking Words
 artists in continuing the artistry, and passing it forward to future
generation
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generations
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.
As a result
Linking Words
, the
anicient
Correct your spelling
ancient
art
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culture
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 will be alive for a longer period of time.
For instance
Linking Words
, the Bandhini print in
india
Capitalize the proper name
India
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 is a famous fabric work produced by the local
artisians
Correct your spelling
artisans
, which is still produced on a large scale
due to
Linking Words
 the financial assistance provided by the government to the worker community.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
art
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aslo
Correct your spelling
also
 makes our environments vibrant. Funding allocated
in
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for
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 painting streets and walls with different designs adds a unique
characteristics
Fix the agreement mistake
characteristic
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 to the infrastructure, which can
otherwise
Linking Words
 become dull with similar neutral
colour
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colours
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 and shapes.
Body paragraph 2
It cannot be denied that
improvement
Correct article usage
the improvement
show examples
 of science and technology requires greater investment.
For instance
Linking Words
, to sponsor
a
Correct article usage
apply
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space research
a
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,
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 funding of
almost
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apply
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millions
dollars
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of dollars
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 is essential for achieving success.
However
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,
compeletely
Correct your spelling
completely
 stopping allocation of funds to
arts
Correct article usage
the arts
show examples
 would prevent
traditions
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 and
culture
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to grow
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from growing
show examples
 and make our surroundings dull and less unique.
Conclusion
In conclusion, allocating more funds to improve science and technology by directing the investments made on arts is not acceptable, as arts not only
helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
show examples
 in keeping local
culture
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 and
traditions
Use synonyms
 alive but
also
Linking Words
makes
Correct subject-verb agreement
make
show examples
 our surroundings more colourful and unique.

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task response
Your view is clear: you do not agree that money for art should be moved to science and technology. Keep this clear view in every part of the essay.
task response
Develop each main point more. Explain in more detail how art keeps culture alive, and how public art can help people and places.
task response
Your example of Bandhini is useful. Make it more clear by saying who gets help, what they do, and how this keeps the art alive.
task response
The point about science is fair, but it is short. Explain why science needs more money while art should still receive some public money.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear shape: an opening, main parts, and an ending. This makes it easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Put one main idea in each body paragraph. The first body paragraph has both culture and public art, so it would be clearer to give each idea its own paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple link words more carefully, such as “First”, “Also”, “However”, “For example”, and “As a result”. This will make the flow between ideas smoother.
coherence and cohesion
Check small word form and spelling issues, as they can make the meaning less clear. For example: “maintenance”, “art forms”, “future generations”, “ancient”, “India”, “artists”, “also”, and “completely”.
task response
You answer the question directly and give two relevant reasons for your view: protecting culture and making places more lively.
task response
You include an example and also show that science and technology need money. This gives your answer a fair and balanced feel.
coherence and cohesion
Your opening tells the reader your view, and your ending repeats it clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Most ideas follow a logical order, and words such as “For instance”, “Secondly”, and “However” help the reader follow your points.
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