IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

The best way to provide enough homes in large cities is to build tall apartment blocks. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Introduction
In recent times, the topic of the best approach to get homes in urban cities is to build multistory blocks has gathered significant attention and sparked widespread debate. Since it will be beneficial in land protection and having
own
Correct determiner usage
one's own
show examples
 house
than
Correct word choice
rather than
show examples
rented
Correct article usage
a rented
show examples
 home, I will totally agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement and give
further
Linking Words
 explanation in
upcoming
Correct article usage
the upcoming
show examples
 paragraphs.
Body paragraph 1
To embark upon, proponents have discussions that it will help in owning self house rather than building it.
Along with
Linking Words
 that, it is
also
Linking Words
 vital to have larger families in
this
Linking Words
 setup without building another home.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it is impactful for
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 in economic factors.
In addition
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 will increase the number of employment rates.
For instance
Linking Words
, a higher
number of
Check wording
apply
show examples
population
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 the opportunity to get jobs without
having
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 stress
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 housing.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 will increase traffic and congestion in society, making
them
Fix the agreement mistake
it
show examples
 unable to reach
their
Fix the agreement mistake
its
show examples
 destination.
Also
Linking Words
, it devastates healthcare facilities and overpopulation, leading to more resources and facilities to meet the daily demands of the people. To
epitomize
Change the spelling
epitomise
show examples
, the people are not able to reach their workplaces
due to
Linking Words
 heavy jams and more vehicles, and it will
also
Linking Words
 increase pollution.
Conclusion
To recapitulate, building houses in tall apartments
have a
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 beneficial for the upcoming generation. As it reserves more land and job opportunities for them.
Apart from
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, it will help in
less
Verb problem
reducing
show examples
 financial burdens.
Although
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 some drawbacks were
also
Linking Words
in consideration
Verb problem
considered
show examples
due to
Linking Words
which
Punctuation problem
which,
show examples
 it is unsustainable to live
due to
Linking Words
overcrowd
Replace the word
overcrowding
 and traffic.

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task response
Your view is clear: you agree that tall flats can help cities. However, explain more directly why this is the best way to provide enough homes. Compare it with other ways, such as building homes outside the city or using empty land better.
task response
Develop each main idea with a clear reason and result. For example, tall blocks use less land, so more people can live near jobs, schools, and shops. This makes your answer more complete.
task response
Your example about jobs is not clear enough. Use one real or clear made-up city example, and show how tall blocks give homes to many families in the same small area.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an ending. But the first main part mixes several ideas: owning a home, large families, money, and jobs. Give one main idea to each paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple links in a more natural way. Do not begin too many sentences with "Moreover", "In addition", or "Also". Try: "First", "For this reason", "However", and "As a result".
coherence and cohesion
Make the ending match your main view. You say you totally agree, but the ending says tall flats may be not good because of crowding and traffic. State that these problems can be solved by good planning, such as better buses, roads, parks, and health care.
task response
You answer the question and give a clear opinion from the start.
task response
You include both good and bad points, such as saving land and causing traffic.
coherence and cohesion
The essay uses paragraphs and has an introduction and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as "On the other hand" help show a change to the other side of the topic.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • housing shortage = not enough homes for people
  • apartment block = a large building with many flats
  • high-rise building = a very tall building
  • limited land = not much land available
  • population growth = the number of people increases
  • urban spread = the city grows into outer areas
  • public transport = buses, trains, and metro systems
  • living conditions = the quality of daily life at home
  • city planning = the way a city is designed and managed
  • green space = parks and open natural areas
  • daily needs = things people need every day
  • costly land = land that is very expensive
  • mixed housing = different kinds of homes in one area
  • sense of community = the feeling of belonging with neighbors
  • traffic pressure = too many cars on the roads
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