People spend a lot of money on appearance because they want to look younger. why does this happen? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

7.0 / 9

Band scoreView breakdown ↓

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →

Introduction

Many

people

Use synonyms

argue that a large amount of

money

Use synonyms

is spent on

appearance

Use synonyms

so that

people

Use synonyms

can look younger than their actual age. There are some reasons linked to

this

Linking Words

happening , and I believe

this

Linking Words

is increasingly a negative approach.

Body paragraph 1

One of the major reasons why an excessive amount of

money

Use synonyms

is spent on

appearance

Use synonyms

due to

Linking Words

personal satisfaction. When

people

Use synonyms

buy new clothes, jewellery, and other accessories, they are encouraged to feel motivated and happy. If individuals feel happy and positive about their

appearance

Use synonyms

, improved performance can be achieved, which

further

Linking Words

enhances their confidence.

Body paragraph 2

This

Linking Words

approach can be considered negative , as financial difficulties could arise when a significant portion of

people

Use synonyms

’s income is allocated to their

appearance

Use synonyms

. It is widely accepted that a good personality is more important than physical

appearance

Use synonyms

However

Linking Words

, when

people

Use synonyms

spend most of their income improving their

appearance

Use synonyms

, their financial resources can be wasted unnecessarily.

Therefore

Linking Words

, it would be appropriate for

people

Use synonyms

to use sufficient funds for their

appearance

Use synonyms

Body paragraph 3

Another reason would be becoming materialistic. Individuals are often attracted by new advertisements and social media influencers, which create an unnecessary need to buy new clothes, shoes and other products. In order to experience temporary satisfaction,

people

Use synonyms

purchase new products, making them more focused on material possessions and encouraging unnecessary spending.

Conclusion

In conclusion, a sense of happiness can be created among individuals when they spend

money

Use synonyms

to enhance their

appearance

Use synonyms

However

Linking Words

, it is highly important for

people

Use synonyms

to manage their finances properly so that more

money

Use synonyms

is not wasted on less-needed things.

ksimarjeet225

Oct 1, 2026

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response

Answer both parts more directly. Explain why people want to look younger, such as fear of getting old, social media, work pressure, and beauty ads. Your first body paragraph talks about buying things and feeling happy, but it does not clearly explain the wish to look younger.

task response

Make your view clear from the start and keep it the same. You say this is negative, which is good, but explain more fully why the bad sides are stronger than the good sides.

task response

Use more real and clear examples. For example, some people may pay for skin care or face work because online photos make young looks seem important. This would make your ideas easier to understand.

task response

Develop each main idea with a clear reason and result. Instead of saying money is wasted, explain that it may leave less money for food, home costs, saving, or children.

coherence and cohesion

Your essay has a clear start, body paragraphs, and an ending. However, the order could be better. Put all reasons for this trend first, then give the positive or negative view in the next paragraph.

coherence and cohesion

Use topic sentences that match the question. For example: “People often spend on their looks because they fear looking old.” This helps the reader follow your main point.

coherence and cohesion

Some links between ideas are weak. The line about personality being more important than looks does not fully connect to the point about money problems. Add a sentence to show how the ideas connect.

coherence and cohesion

Check spacing around commas and full stops. For example, write “negative, as” and “appearance. However,” with one space after the mark.

task response

You give a clear overall view that this trend has more bad than good effects.

task response

You include two useful reasons: people may feel happier about how they look, and ads and social media can push people to buy more.

coherence and cohesion

The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, and the conclusion returns to the main view.

coherence and cohesion

You use basic linking words, such as “However,” “Therefore,” and “In conclusion,” to guide the reader.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

5
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

258 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

8
band
Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Today, whether people should compete with each other or cooperate more is a heated debate. As far as I am concerned, collaboration is a better option in the long term. In this essay, I will examine both perspectives and elaborate on my view.
7.5
band
You work for an international company,and would like to spend six months working in its head office in another country. write a letter to your manager.in your letter explain why you want to work in the companys hear office for six months say how your work could be done while you are away ask for his/her help in arranging it
Hope you are well. I recently came across a short-term opportunity at our Amazon's corporate head office in Seattle. Hence, I would like to request you to provide me approval for this 6 months training assignment for the Senior Product Manager program.
6
band
Some people believe holding sports events are too expensive, such as olympic games,and the world cup. But others think in opponent way. Discuss both opinion, and give your own view.
Most sport events require an enormous amount of financial support from governments, especially regarding well-known international games. In my view, it is extravagant, costing a massive amount of money to host them. Some people are strong advocates of reducing spending on sport events, since governments would consequently be at risk of fiscal deficit, resulting in the instability of society. Governments are compelled to fulfil many duties with a limited budget; in order to service the public more efficiently, they are obligated to control the spending. Otherwise, once the government spending overtakes its solvency, governments are likely to be dysfunctional, followed by social chaos. Rather than investing huge amounts of money into sporting competitions, it might be more rational to improve the quality of the society's infrastructure, developing robust medical care systems and ensuring more vulnerable groups receive adequate welfare from the government. This will help maintain the s...
6.5
band
You have just spent a week with a friend on holiday. When you got home, you realised you had left your wallet there. Write a letter to your friend. In your letter: ■ ■ thank your friend for the holiday explain that you left your wallet in their house give them instructions of how to send it back to you
I'm just writing to tell you that i left my purse at your place.
6.5
band
Topic: Some people believe that the government should invest more money in public transport, while others think that building more roads is the solution. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.
Public opinion has always split up when it comes to the discussion of investing in public transport or roads. I will discuss both perspectives but personally, I am on the side of those who think that the government should invest more in public transport.

People spend a lot of money on appearance because they want to look younger. why does this happen? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some people believe holding sports events are too expensive, such as olympic games,and the world cup. But others think in opponent way. Discuss both opinion, and give your own view.

Topic: Some people believe that the government should invest more money in public transport, while others think that building more roads is the solution. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.