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Writing Samples
Band 5

In some countries, cars replacing with bicycle, while some people driving bicycle with their own choice What are the reasons of this development? Which development is better?

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Introduction
Currently, using a
bicycle
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 is becoming a trend. Many
people
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 choose to drive a bike rather than
cars
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. From my perspective, driving a
bicycle
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 has many advantages because it helps evolving to environmental.
Body paragraph 1
One major reason is that
cars
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 produce toxic gases to environment.
As a
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result
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, it causes air pollution , and
people
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 breathes from harmful air.
As a
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result
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,
people
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 becomes a weakling prone to falling ill easily.
However
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, riding a
bicycle
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 does not harm the environment. It ensures a healthy life because when
people
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 use a
bicycle
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, blood circulation improves, and they do not get sick often.
For example
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, in Switzerland, many
people
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 are big fans of driving a
bicycle
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 rather than
cars
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,
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;
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as a
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result
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, the incidence of the disease among the population has dropped sharply.
Therefore
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, riding a
bicycle
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 is beneficial for humanity and
development
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.
Body paragraph 2
I believe that replacing
cars
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 with a
bicycle
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 have many benefits for
development
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. Significantly, it solves many problems ,
such
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 as preventing traffic congestion.
As a
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result
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,
people
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 reach their destinations faster and toxic gases emitted by
cars
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 will decrease.
For example
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, in Uzbekistan, the government organised
bicycle
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 races and encouraged
people
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 to ride
a
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bicycles
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bicycle
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.
As a
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result
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, traffic congestion slowly decreased , and
people
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 saved a significant amount of time.
Therefore
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, cycling gives benefits for human health and
development
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.
Conclusion
In conclusion, driving a
bicycle
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 has a lot of advantages over
cars
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 for
development
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 because it helps
people
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's healthcare and the evolving environment.
Therefore
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, choosing a
bicycle
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instead
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 of
cars
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 can create healthier communities, cleaner environments, less traffic, and a better future for everyone.

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. Give clear reasons why people choose bikes, such as lower cost, health, less traffic, and clean air. Then clearly say which change is better and why.
task response
Keep your main idea the same in each body part. The first body part is about air and health, but the second part repeats these ideas. Use one part for reasons and one part for why bikes are the better choice.
task response
Make examples more clear and believable. Explain how the bike plan in Uzbekistan cut traffic, and do not make a large claim about disease in Switzerland without more support.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an end. This is a good shape. Make the first main part answer the first question and the second main part answer the second question.
coherence and cohesion
Do not use “As a result” many times in the same part. Use other simple links, such as “because”, “so”, “also”, “however”, and “for this reason”.
coherence and cohesion
Make each part start with one clear main sentence. Then add an explanation and one example. This will help the reader follow your ideas more easily.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating “development” and “benefits” too often. Use clear words such as “people”, “cities”, “health”, “traffic”, and “the environment” instead.
task response
You give a clear view that bikes are better than cars, and you talk about health, air, and traffic.
task response
You use country examples to support your points, which helps make the essay more specific.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an introduction, main parts, and a conclusion. Your conclusion clearly repeats your main view.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words such as “However”, “For example”, and “Therefore” to connect ideas.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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