IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

In some countries, cars replacing with bicycle, while some people driving bicycle with their own choice What are the reasons of this development? Which development is better?

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Introduction
Currently, using
Use synonyms
bicycle
Correct article usage
a bicycle
show examples
 is
trend
Correct article usage
a trend
show examples
. Many
people
Use synonyms
 choose
driving
Wrong verb form
to drive
show examples
 a bike rather than
cars
Use synonyms
. From my perspective, driving
Use synonyms
bicycle
Correct article usage
a bicycle
show examples
 has many advantages because it helps evolving to environmental.
Body paragraph 1
One major reason is that
cars
Use synonyms
 produce toxic gases to environment.
As a
Linking Words
Use synonyms
result
Add a comma
result,
show examples
 it
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
show examples
 air pollution.
However
Linking Words
, driving
Use synonyms
bicycle
Correct article usage
a bicycle
show examples
 does not harm the environment. It ensures a healthy life because when
people
Use synonyms
 use
Use synonyms
bicycle
Correct article usage
a bicycle
show examples
, blood circulation improves, and one does not get sick often.
For example
Linking Words
, in
Switzerland
Punctuation problem
Switzerland,
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 many
people
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a
Verb problem
are
show examples
 big
fan
Fix the agreement mistake
fans
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 of driving bicycles rather than
cars
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,
as a
Linking Words
Use synonyms
result
Punctuation problem
result,
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 the incidence of the disease among the population has dropped sharply.
Body paragraph 2
I believe that
Use synonyms
cars replacing
Correct word order
replacing cars
show examples
 with
bicycle
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 have many benefits for development. It prevents traffic congestion.
As a
Linking Words
result
Use synonyms
,
people
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 reach their destinations faster and toxic gases emitted by
cars
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 will decrease.
For example
Linking Words
,
In
Fix capitalization
in
show examples
 Uzbekistan, the government
organized
Change the spelling
organised
show examples
bicycle
Use synonyms
 races and encouraged
people
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 to ride
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bicycle
Check wording
bicycles
show examples
.
As a
Linking Words
result
Use synonyms
, traffic congestion slowly decreased
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 saved a significant amount of time.
Conclusion
In conclusion, driving
Use synonyms
bicycle
Correct article usage
a bicycle
show examples
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 a lot of advantages
rather than
Change preposition
over
show examples
cars
Use synonyms
 for development because it helps
people
Use synonyms
's healthcare and
evolving
Correct article usage
the evolving
show examples
 environment.

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. Explain why people choose bikes, such as lower cost, better health, less traffic, and less air pollution. Then clearly say which change is better and why.
task response
Make your main view clear in the first paragraph. For example: “I believe that more people should use bicycles where this is safe and possible.”
task response
Develop each main idea with a clear reason and result. Do not only say that bikes are good; explain how they improve health, save money, or reduce traffic.
task response
Use examples that are clear and believable. The examples about Switzerland and Uzbekistan support your ideas, but explain more exactly how bike use led to these results.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clearer four-part plan: introduction, reasons for bike use, why this change is better, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body paragraph with one clear main idea. The first body paragraph can focus on health and air pollution. The second can focus on traffic and time.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words such as “because”, “therefore”, “however”, “for example”, and “as a result”. Check that each link shows the right meaning.
coherence and cohesion
Use the same words in a clear way. Say “ride a bicycle” or “cycle”, not “drive a bicycle”. Say “cars are replaced by bicycles”, not “cars replacing with bicycle”.
coherence and cohesion
Make the conclusion short and direct. Repeat your main view and the two best reasons without adding a new idea.
task response
You give a clear opinion that bicycles are better than cars in many cases.
task response
You include useful ideas about air pollution, health, traffic, and time.
task response
You use examples to support your points, which makes the essay more complete.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking phrases such as “For example” and “As a result” to connect ideas.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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