IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The chart below shows the number of men and women in further education in Britain in three periods and whether they were studying full-time or part-time

4.5 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
The chart below shows the number of men and women in further education in Britain in three periods and whether they were studying full-time or part-time
The bar graph provides key information about the number of males and females in
further
Linking Words
education
Use synonyms
 in
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 in three periods
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
if
Correct word choice
whether
show examples
 they were studying full-time or part-time. The units are measured in
numbers
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, the part-time
education
Use synonyms
 was the dominant type of
education
Use synonyms
 for both men and women. In 1970/71, the number of male
students
Use synonyms
 was the highest among other periods, which accounted for 1000
students
Use synonyms
.
Whereas
Linking Words
 the
students
Use synonyms
 who joined full-time learning were only under 200 thousand
students
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
 to female
students
Use synonyms
, who showed less interest in full-time
Use synonyms
education
Punctuation problem
education,
show examples
were their
Correct word order
the number of students was below 100 thousand
show examples
numbers
Use synonyms
 below 100 thousand
students
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
,full-time female and male student
numbers
Use synonyms
 increased during the years to reach above 200
lthousand
Correct your spelling
thousand
 learners. The graph indicates that
women student
Correct word order
the number of women students
show examples
numbers
Use synonyms
 who joined part-time
education
Use synonyms
highly
Rephrase
apply
show examples
increased
during
Rephrase
significantly during
show examples
 1990/91 and reached over 1000.
While
Linking Words
 male figures slightly decreased
than
Change preposition
from
show examples
 1970/71. It is clear from the graph that the two genders prefer
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
part-time
education
Use synonyms
than the
Change preposition
to
show examples
 full-time
education
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
▼
Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
▼
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words education, numbers, students with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "reach" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: