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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The line graph below shows the number of cell phone subscribers in a particular city, by gender. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant

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The line graph below shows the number of cell phone subscribers in a particular city, by gender. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant
The line graph provides key information about the
number
Use synonyms
 of cell phone
subscribers
Use synonyms
 between males and
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 in a specific city from 1995 to 2015. The units are measured in numbers.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of
subscribers
Use synonyms
 for both genders rose considerably throughout the years. As for
women
Punctuation problem
women,
show examples
subscribers
Use synonyms
 were only 500 in 1995, but the
number
Use synonyms
 increased significantly to reach its peak in 2005, around 2500 female cell phone
subscribers
Use synonyms
.
Then
Linking Words
 the numbers showed
slight
Correct article usage
a slight
show examples
 decrease,
which reached
Wrong verb form
reaching
show examples
 around 2000
subscribers
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
 to men, the rates were below 1000 users.
However
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of users rose sharply
during
Change preposition
over
show examples
 the years, and never showed a decrease. By 2015, the
number
Use synonyms
 of male cell phone
subscribers
Use synonyms
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 nearly 3000. The graph indicates that the
two gender
Check wording
number of
show examples
subscribers
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 were exactly the same
Use synonyms
number
Check wording
apply
show examples
in 2005
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 was 2500 . But women users showed a small decrease,
whereas
Linking Words
men numbers
Correct word order
the number of men
show examples
 rose
among
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the rest
years
Change preposition
of the years
show examples
.

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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 73%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, subscribers with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reach" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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