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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

some people think having a university degree is the best way to secure a good job.However others believe skills and experience are more important. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

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Introduction
Nowadays
Punctuation problem
Nowadays,
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 researchers are arguing whether acquiring a college certification is the best way
for securing
Wrong verb form
to secure
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 a stable
job
Use synonyms
career
Use synonyms
 or
having
Correct word choice
if having
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 hands-on
skills
Use synonyms
 and personal experiences are more vital. I believe that owning the
skills
Use synonyms
 to adapt
every
Change preposition
to every
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 kind of situation and having a vision of life is more crucial than holding a higher education.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand , some critics might say
receiving
Correct word choice
that receiving
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 a college degree is the lowest entry threshold for obtaining a better
career
Use synonyms
. If a senior is able to graduate from their
major
Punctuation problem
major,
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 it means they have the ability to understand the inner workings.
Besides
Linking Words
 that, a study published by the New York Times has mentioned
large
Correct word choice
that large
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 companies are more willing to hire university
graduates
Use synonyms
 because they have relevant academic
qualifications
Use synonyms
.
Thus
Linking Words
, many large companies like
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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JP Morgan , Google or Microsoft tend to prefer
graduates
Use synonyms
 with
a
Correct article usage
apply
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higher
qualifications
Use synonyms
 and
degree
Correct article usage
a degree
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form
Use the right word
from
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 prestigious universities.
While
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 is true ,
graduates
Use synonyms
 that contains a degree or even
a
Correct article usage
apply
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higher academic
qualifications
Use synonyms
 are more likely to secure a stable
job
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
in
Punctuation problem
, in
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 reality its not the same case.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
 , I believe that owning hard
soft
Correct word choice
and soft
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skills
Use synonyms
 and
had
Wrong verb form
having
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 a clear vision of life is the key to having a good
career
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
,
graduates
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 lack
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
soft
skills
Use synonyms
 like
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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interpersonal
skills
Use synonyms
, public speaking and teamwork are hard to survive in a
work place
Correct your spelling
workplace
 because it is
tuff
Correct your spelling
tough
 to deal with everyone’s emotions in every kind of aspect.
other
Capitalize the word
Other
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 than that , some
graduates
Use synonyms
 blindly follow their parents’ instructions and believe
entering
Correct word choice
that entering
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 a big company means having a good
career
Use synonyms
.
As a result
Linking Words
of
Change preposition
,
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 they may have fewer opportunities to gain life experience, room for
trail
Use the right word
trial
show examples
 and error and discover what they actually enjoy doing.
Therefore
Linking Words
, lots of
graduates
Use synonyms
 lost their passion
from
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their
job
Use synonyms
 because of not
knowing
Wrong verb form
know
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 what they truly wanted.
Conclusion
As a result
Linking Words
, having
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
higher academic
qualifications
Use synonyms
 might get
graduates
Use synonyms
 to a higher level.
However
Linking Words
, if they lack the
skills
Use synonyms
 to interact with colleagues and do not have the passion for the
Use synonyms
job
Punctuation problem
job,
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 it is hard to have
a
Correct article usage
apply
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success in their own
filed
Use the right word
field
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. Wealth and authority should never be the true markers of a fulfilling
career
Use synonyms
it
Punctuation problem
; it
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 should
define
Wrong verb form
be defined
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 by passion , love and enthusiasm .

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task response
You discuss both views and give a clear opinion. To make your answer stronger, explain more fully why skills and work experience can lead to a good job, not only a job people enjoy.
task response
Your main point about soft skills is useful, but the question also asks about experience. Add a clear example of a person who learns through work, training, or practice and then gets a good job.
task response
Be careful with very broad claims, such as many graduates losing passion. Explain how this happens and give one clear, real-life type of example.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear beginning, two main body parts, and an ending. Keep each body part focused on one main idea: degree in the first, skills and experience in the second.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are very long and join too many ideas. Use shorter sentences to make your meaning easier to follow. For example, split the sentence about large companies into two sentences.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully. 'However' should show a clear opposite idea. The move from degrees to real life in the first body part is not fully clear, so state the contrast directly.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating words such as 'graduates', 'career', and 'skills' too often. You can use simple other words such as 'workers', 'job', 'ability', or 'these people' when the meaning is clear.
task response
You answer all parts of the question: you present the value of a degree, the value of skills, and your own view.
task response
The examples of teamwork, speaking, and dealing with other people are relevant and help show why skills matter at work.
coherence and cohesion
The use of 'On the one hand' and 'On the other hand' makes the two sides easy to find.
coherence and cohesion
Your ending returns to your main view and gives the essay a clear close.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • competitive advantage
  • in-depth knowledge
  • theoretical understanding
  • networking opportunities
  • prerequisite
  • professions
  • practical, hands-on knowledge
  • perform tasks efficiently and effectively
  • actual ability
  • deliver results
  • problem-solving
  • communication
  • teamwork
  • real-world settings
  • blend of both education and practical experience
  • theoretical concepts
  • ideal scenario
  • bolstered by practical application
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