IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

You work for an international company. You have seen an advertisement for a training course which will be useful for your job. Write a letter to your manager. In your letter, *describe the training course you want to do *explain what the company could do to help you *say how the course will be useful for your job

4.5 / 9
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Dear
sir
Capitalize the proper name
Sir
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, I am writing to bring your attention to a recent advertisement, which I came across
while
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 I was reading my daily newspaper. The advertisement was mainly about learning various languages. And it was assuring because they guaranteed learning any language fluently
and
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, and
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incase if
Correct your spelling
in case
 we do not
they
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, they
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 will refund the amount with
additional
Correct article usage
an additional
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 inconvenience amount added to it.
This
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 course will
last
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 for about a month, and is totally online with flexible hours. I am interested in it , as the
company
Use synonyms
 will benefit from it. We come across many clients who do not speak english and we tend to
loose
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lose
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 them. Most of our buyers are Chinese and French, so learning their
language
Fix the agreement mistake
languages
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 and communicating with them in their local tongue will make them trust our
company
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.
As a result
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, they will invest in us more often. I would be
greatfull
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grateful
 to you
,
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apply
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 if you could
enroll
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enrol
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 me in
this
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 foreign language speaking course. I assure you that work will not be compromised during my learning period.
Moreover
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, it is affordable , and I want the
company
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 to pay for the fees as it is for the
company
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's benefit. Kindly look forward to my request at your convenience. Your faithfully, Raj

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task response
Name the course more clearly. Say which language you want to learn and give key facts such as the time, cost, and course plan.
task response
Explain the help you need in a clear way. For example, ask the company to pay the fee and allow you to study at set times.
task response
Show more clearly how the course will help your daily work. Link it to speaking with Chinese and French clients, keeping more clients, and helping sales.
coherence and cohesion
Your letter has a clear order: course, value to the company, and your request. Keep this order.
coherence and cohesion
Use one main point in each paragraph. The first body paragraph can focus only on the course details, and the next can focus only on work benefits.
coherence and cohesion
Use more clear links between ideas, such as “Therefore”, “For this reason”, and “In addition”.
coherence and cohesion
Use a more formal start and end: “Dear Sir or Madam,” and “Yours faithfully,”. Also, “I look forward to your reply” is better than “Kindly look forward to my request”.
task response
You answer all three parts of the task: you describe the course, ask for help, and explain how it can help the company.
task response
The link between language skills and better work with clients is clear and useful.
coherence and cohesion
The letter is easy to follow because each paragraph has a clear main purpose.
coherence and cohesion
You use simple cause-and-effect links well, such as “As a result”.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • training program
  • professional development
  • skill enhancement
  • course objectives
  • align with company goals
  • financial assistance
  • time off
  • employee investment
  • career advancement
  • knowledge acquisition
  • performance improvement
  • competitive edge
  • industry standards
  • up-to-date techniques
  • strategic value
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