IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Some people say that the government should not put money on building theatres and sports stadiums. They should spend more money on medical care and education. Do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that governments should not
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
show examples
 resources on sports activities and building theatres,
while
Linking Words
 some
considers
Correct subject-verb agreement
consider
show examples
 that authorities should
priortise
Correct your spelling
prioritise
education
Use synonyms
 and
Use synonyms
health
Correct article usage
the health
show examples
 department because it is important for the
Use synonyms
country
Check wording
country's
show examples
 youth to gain knowledge. I personally think that a balanced approach will be more effective.
Body paragraph 1
Firstly
Linking Words
, I believe that
education
Use synonyms
 is considered
as a back bone for any
Correct word order
the backbone for any country's
show examples
country
Use synonyms
 future generation. Because
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 countries are making progress in the fields of science and technology as it is a demand of time
.
Check wording
demands.
show examples
However
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
health
Correct article usage
the health
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 system should
also
Linking Words
 take into account so that patients
could
Wrong verb form
can
show examples
 receive better
health
Use synonyms
 care facilities.
For example
Linking Words
, developed countries like Europe are more prosperous and healthy
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people
Check wording
apply
show examples
because of good
education
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 and
affordable
Correct article usage
an affordable
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 treatment system.
Body paragraph 2
Secondly
Linking Words
,
sports
Correct article usage
the sports
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 and
enterainment
Correct your spelling
entertainment
 industry
play
Correct subject-verb agreement
plays
show examples
 a key role in
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the country
show examples
country
Check wording
country's
show examples
 progress. The main reason is to promote both of the sectors to generate revenue
as well as
Linking Words
recoginition
Correct your spelling
recognition
 for any
country
Use synonyms
 on international levels by hosting matches and other art activities.
For instance
Linking Words
,
present
Correct article usage
the present
show examples
 picture of
this
Linking Words
 can be seen in france paris where all over the world
people
Use synonyms
participte
Correct your spelling
participate
 and engage themselves in local culture
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
enhance
Correct subject-verb agreement
enhances
show examples
 their social and communication skills.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
health
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 and
education
Use synonyms
 sectors are the basic preferences of authorities, but the importance of sports and cinemas cannot be neglected
as
Punctuation problem
, as
show examples
 many
people
Use synonyms
 can earn
with
Check wording
a living with
show examples
this
Linking Words
 profession by performing and singing
besides
Linking Words
amusment
Correct your spelling
amusement
.

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task response
State your view more clearly in the first paragraph. You say a balanced plan is best, but you do not clearly say how much money should go to health and education and how much should go to theatres and sports places.
task response
Explain why the first two areas should come first. Show how good schools and health care help people and the country in daily life.
task response
Develop the point about theatres and sports more. Say why public money is needed, not only why these areas can make money or bring fame.
task response
Use examples that are clear and true to the point. The example about Europe is too wide. The Paris example is not clear: name one event or explain exactly how it helped local people.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an end. Keep this plan, but make each paragraph focus on one main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear links between ideas, such as “First”, “Also”, “However”, “For example”, and “As a result”. Do not begin a new sentence with “Because” when it only gives a reason for the sentence before it.
coherence and cohesion
Make the first main paragraph easier to follow. Start with education, explain it, give an example, then move to health care. At the moment, these two ideas are mixed together.
coherence and cohesion
The last paragraph should repeat your main view in a direct way. For example: health and education should get most public money, while some money can still support sports and the arts.
task response
You answer both sides of the question and give your own view. You also include reasons and examples.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This gives the reader a clear overall shape.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as “Firstly”, “Secondly”, “For example”, and “In conclusion” help show the order of your ideas.
Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • public funding
  • government budget
  • essential public services
  • medical treatment
  • well-equipped hospitals
  • qualified healthcare staff
  • equal access to education
  • improve educational standards
  • long-term economic growth
  • cultural heritage
  • community facilities
  • promote an active lifestyle
  • prevent health problems
  • international sporting events
  • attract tourists
  • create employment opportunities
  • a balanced approach
  • allocate resources wisely
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