IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people make new friends on social sites and Internet chat rooms.Some people think it is a good thing .Some people think it is better to make friends face to face.Discuss both views and give your opinion

5.0 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
Some individuals prefer finding new
partner
Check wording
partners
show examples
 or
friends
Use synonyms
 on social
applications
Use synonyms
 and think it is
great
Correct article usage
a great
show examples
 approach for their social anxiety.
While
Linking Words
 others prefer making
friends
Use synonyms
 in
person
Punctuation problem
person,
show examples
 whether it is at work or school. In my view, I find it better to make
friends
Use synonyms
 on social
media
Use synonyms
applications
Use synonyms
 because it is likely to find someone with the same
interest
Check wording
interests
show examples
.
Body paragraph 1
Admittedly, some
people
Use synonyms
 find it easier to make new
friends
Use synonyms
 in person because they might already know them.
For example
Linking Words
, someone found a coworker and saw them interesting
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
 small talks or jokes. The feeling of being awkward is usually gone by the time they actually show interest in them.
Moreover
Linking Words
, social anxiety is treated by meeting new
people
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
slowly
Punctuation problem
slowly,
show examples
 the feeling of being anxious fades away.
Body paragraph 2
However
Linking Words
, social
media
Use synonyms
applications
Use synonyms
 have built a new way of meeting new
friends
Use synonyms
 with the same
interest
Check wording
interests
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, finding an individual with the same music taste or entertainment interests. For some
Use synonyms
people
Add a comma
people,
show examples
 it opens a discussion or a friendly argument about who
the
Verb problem
is the
show examples
 better actor or whether that singer
done
Wrong verb form
did
show examples
 better than the other one.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, texting usually
avoid
Correct subject-verb agreement
avoids
show examples
 the
small
Punctuation problem
small,
show examples
 boring talks
so
Punctuation problem
, so
show examples
 it is a great opening for meeting somebody.
Therefore
Linking Words
, social
media
Use synonyms
 allows friendships
to begin
Linking Words
 with real shared interests rather than forced conversation.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I believe that social
media
Use synonyms
applications
Use synonyms
 are a better way to make new
friends
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
 meeting
people
Use synonyms
 in person can help reduce awkwardness and anxiety over time, online platforms make it easier to find
people
Use synonyms
 with the same interests and skip boring small talk.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
You discuss both ways of making friends and give a clear view. To make your answer stronger, explain more fully why online friends may be a better choice, but also show one clear limit of this way, such as not knowing if a person is honest.
task response
Your main ideas are clear: face-to-face contact can help with fear, and online apps can link people with the same likes. Add one more real example for each side. For example, a person may meet a friend at work after a group task, or join an online music group and later meet safely in public.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an end. The order is easy to follow. Make the first line more direct by saying that the essay will look at both views before giving your own view.
coherence and cohesion
Use link words with care. You use “For example”, “Moreover”, and “However” well. In a few places, the link between ideas needs to be clearer. Explain how knowing a person already makes it easier to become friends, instead of moving quickly from one point to the next.
coherence and cohesion
Keep the same idea in each paragraph. In the first main part, the point about already knowing a person, small talk, and fear could be joined more smoothly. Start with the main point, explain it, then give the example.
language
Check small grammar points. Write “a great approach”, “the same interests”, “texting usually avoids”, and “whether that singer has done better”. These changes will make your meaning more natural and clear.
task response
You answer all parts of the question. Both views are included, and your own view is clear from the start and repeated at the end.
coherence and cohesion
Your paragraph plan works well: one paragraph for face-to-face friends, one for online friends, and a short final paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
The final paragraph clearly brings your main ideas together and does not add a new point.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: