IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

The animal species are becoming extinct due to human activities on land and in the sea. What are the reason and solution?

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Introduction
In order to maintain
life
Correct article usage
the life
show examples
 cycle , all animals and humans play
vital
Correct article usage
a vital
show examples
 role . As humans are, transforming and becoming powerful
In
Fix capitalization
in
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 terms of technology , destroying millions of
forest
Fix the agreement mistake
forests
show examples
 and putting industrial waste into the sea
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 results in
extinction
Correct article usage
the extinction
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 of
species
Use synonyms
 around the world . Imposing the proper boundaries on countries like Antarctica
Correct word choice
, and
show examples
also
Linking Words
 spending more money to enhance their natural
habitat
Punctuation problem
habitat,
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 are the solution a government can
to
Verb problem
implement to
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 save animals .
Body paragraph 1
To begin
Linking Words
 with, Modern technological robots and mechanics
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 the power that those mechanics are able to perform
Linking Words
such
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
tasks
those
Correct pronoun usage
that
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 are impossible to do by
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
normal human beings
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as destroying
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
millions of trees with in few months. Animals had adopted their natural way of living after billions of years .
For example
Linking Words
 , India has invested billions of
dollers
Use the right word
dollars
show examples
 on
indomar
Capitalize the proper name
Indomar
show examples
 and nicomar island to make luxurious resorts and airports. Those
species
Use synonyms
 are not exposed to people . India
planning
Verb problem
is planning
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them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
to shift them to another island
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 is scientifically
possbile
Correct your spelling
possible
,but practically . Giving them man made thing will cause
extinction
Correct article usage
the extinction
show examples
 of
species
Use synonyms
 at large scale .
Body paragraph 2
In order to save those
species
Use synonyms
 Government should sign a
trity
Correct your spelling
treaty
 that
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
 are not allowed to cut tress inorder to make way for
industrial
Replace the word
industry
. Like Antarctica
Punctuation problem
,
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doing any search on
pigeon
Correct article usage
a pigeon
show examples
 is
illegally
Replace the word
illegal
. Encouraging People have
Correct article usage
a natural
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natural
Punctuation problem
natural,
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 homemade diet
not
Punctuation problem
, not
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 depending on fast food and
cosmetics
Replace the word
cosmetic
products
Punctuation problem
products,
show examples
 will affect
on
Change preposition
the
show examples
 industrial revolution. All the cosmetics
comes
Correct subject-verb agreement
come
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 from trees and
forest
Check wording
forests
show examples
. Industrial and higher people
cutting
Verb problem
are cutting
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 the
to
Check wording
cost to
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more
Verb problem
make more
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 money to sell those products.
Conclusion
To sum
Linking Words
up
Add a comma
up,
show examples
instead
Linking Words
cutting
Change preposition
of cutting
show examples
me
Correct pronoun usage
my
show examples
 tree and establishing new industries government should do more
science
Replace the word
scientific
 research to provide them
a
Change preposition
with a
show examples
more enhanced natural habitat.

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task response
Answer both parts in a clear way. Give two main reasons, such as loss of homes and sea waste, then give two matching ways to help.
task response
Explain each idea more fully. Say how cutting trees removes food and homes, and how waste in the sea kills fish and other sea life.
task response
Use examples that are clear and true. The India example is hard to follow and has some facts that are not fully explained. A simple example about forests, sea plastic, or oil waste would work better.
task response
Some ideas are too broad, for example saying all make-up comes from trees. Avoid claims that may not be true. Keep your ideas direct and careful.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an opening, body parts, and an ending. However, the first body part mixes several ideas. Start each paragraph with one clear main point.
coherence and cohesion
Use a simple order: introduction; reasons on land and at sea; solutions; conclusion. This will make your answer easier to read.
coherence and cohesion
Make links between ideas more clear. Use words such as 'First', 'Also', 'As a result', 'For example', and 'Therefore' only when they show a real link.
coherence and cohesion
Keep the same subject in each sentence. For example, say who should act: governments, companies, or people. This will make the meaning less confusing.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion should repeat the main reasons and main solutions in one or two clear sentences. Do not add a new idea there, such as more science work.
task response
You discuss both human action and ways to protect animals, so your answer stays on the main topic.
task response
You include land and sea damage, and you suggest action by governments and people.
coherence and cohesion
You use paragraphs and clear signposts such as 'To begin with' and 'To sum up'.
coherence and cohesion
Your ending tries to give a final answer to the problem.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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