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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The diagram shows the process by which milk and related product are produced

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The given diagram illustrates the way in which dairy products are made by the processing of
milk
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, the process consists of several stages beginning with the milking of
cow
Correct article usage
the cow
show examples
 with
machine
Correct article usage
a machine
show examples
 two times a day, and ending
up
Rephrase
apply
show examples
with the delivery of products to
super markets
Correct your spelling
supermarkets
 and shops. First of all, cows are
pasteurizing
Wrong verb form
pastured
show examples
 in the fields
as
Correct word choice
, and
show examples
 after some
time
Punctuation problem
time,
show examples
 they
brought
Verb problem
are brought
show examples
 to
milking
Correct article usage
the milking
show examples
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
. After that,
milk
Use synonyms
extracted
Verb problem
was extracted
show examples
 with the help of
machine
Correct article usage
a machine
show examples
.
Next
Correct article usage
The next
show examples
 stage is the storage of
milk
Use synonyms
 in
refrigerator
Correct article usage
a refrigerator
show examples
 to keep it cool and safe. After that, tanker
delievers
Correct your spelling
delivers
milk
Use synonyms
 to
dairy
Correct article usage
the dairy
show examples
 where it
processed
Verb problem
is processed
show examples
 in plants to remove unwanted substances. In the next stage, some products are made from
milk
Use synonyms
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as cheese, cream and butter.
Following
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
,
milk
Use synonyms
pasteurized
Wrong verb form
is pasteurised
show examples
 and packed into bottles and
cannes
Correct your spelling
cans
. In the final stage, bottles and
cannes
Correct your spelling
cans
 are ready for distribution to different supermarkets and stores, where people purchased for use.

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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words milk with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 3 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • dairy farm
  • milking machine
  • raw milk
  • storage tank
  • refrigerated container
  • milk tanker
  • processing plant
  • pasteurisation process
  • quality control
  • packaging stage
  • bottles and cartons
  • dairy products
  • cheese production
  • cream and butter
  • final products
  • distribution network
  • deliver to supermarkets
  • ready for consumption
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