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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The bar chart shows the number of hours worked by men & women per week in Australia in 2007. Summarise information by selecting and reporting main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

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The bar chart shows the number of hours worked by men & women per week in Australia in 2007. Summarise information by selecting and reporting main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The given bar chart illustrates the
percantage
Correct your spelling
percentage
 of both male and female working
hours
Use synonyms
 in Australia.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
middle
Replace the word
middle-aged
age
Use synonyms
 individuals, both men and women
working
Wrong verb form
, work
show examples
 more
hours
Use synonyms
 than other
Use synonyms
age's
Check wording
age groups
show examples
,
while
Linking Words
 senior people recorded same working
hours
Use synonyms
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, from the
age
Use synonyms
0
Change preposition
of 0
show examples
to 20
women
Punctuation problem
, women
show examples
 register the highest
hours
Use synonyms
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 to men.
Futhermore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
,
male
Check wording
males
show examples
 took
lead
Correct article usage
the lead
show examples
 to
bulid
Correct your spelling
build
 more working time from the
age
Use synonyms
 of 30-50
with
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
 almost 45percentage and at the same time female stayed at 35%.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, at the
age
Use synonyms
60
Change preposition
of 60
show examples
-80, men still worked more
hours
Use synonyms
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 to
female
Check wording
females
show examples
 at 30% and almost 20% respectively.
Finally
Linking Words
, both genders worked
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
hours
Use synonyms
 of 10% at the
age
Use synonyms
 of over 80.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words hours, age with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "compare" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Bar chart
  • Hours worked
  • Overall trend
  • Significant differences
  • Similarities
  • Peaks
  • Full-time
  • Part-time
  • Overtime
  • Proportion
  • Represented
  • Categories
  • Variations
  • Societal roles
  • National employment policies
  • Predominantly
  • Engaging in
  • Comparison
  • Domestic duties
  • Employment trends
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