IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many parts of the world, the cost of public transport has risen significantly. What are the causes of this increase, and what measures can be taken to solve this problem? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your knowledge or experience

4.5 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Nowadays, the high cost of public
transport
Use synonyms
 has become a significant issue in many parts of the world. In my opinion ,
this
Linking Words
 problem is caused by several factors, and I believe that there are some effective solutions that can be
implamanted
Correct your spelling
implemented
 to address it. First of all, the primary cause of expensive tickets is
the
Correct word choice
that
show examples
fuel
Use synonyms
 and petrol prices are high. In fact, buses and trains use a massive
amount
Use synonyms
 of
fuel
Use synonyms
, and the cost can be
pricey
Correct word choice
high
show examples
 for the
operatores
Correct your spelling
operators
 in
transport
Use synonyms
 systems.
In addition
Linking Words
, the second reason
the
Verb problem
is the
show examples
 high
amount
Use synonyms
 of money requires of maintenance and upgrading the system,
for
Linking Words
example
Punctuation problem
example,
show examples
 old buses, a fast train, and a
modernized
Change the spelling
modernised
show examples
 railway all of them need frequent safety
check
Check wording
checks
show examples
 and
reqular
Correct your spelling
regular
 improvement in the system to
accomodate poblic
Correct your spelling
accommodate public
 needs.
Therefore
Linking Words
, a high
amount
Use synonyms
 of petrol is needed in daily basis
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 it requires a massive
amount
Use synonyms
 of money,
also
Linking Words
 frequent
maitenance
Correct your spelling
maintenance
 and upgrading is essential for safety reasons.
In addition
Linking Words
, there are several solutions that can tackle
this
Linking Words
 issue. What I mean is that with
governments
Check wording
governments'
show examples
support
Use synonyms
to
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
 public
transport
Use synonyms
operatores
Correct your spelling
operators
 can reduce
the
Correct article usage
their
show examples
 workload
Punctuation problem
, in
show examples
in them
Change preposition
apply
show examples
and subsidies can provide
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
significant
support
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 government
support
Use synonyms
,
Linking Words
then opratores
Correct your spelling
operators
 can reduce the prices to the public and
makes
Wrong verb form
make
show examples
 it more affordable to the majority of people. A second solution to
this
Linking Words
 problem,
use
Wrong verb form
using
show examples
 electric buses and trains
instead
Linking Words
 of
vhicles
Correct your spelling
vehicles
 that depend completely on
fuel
Use synonyms
, will lead to decrase the monthly prices
in need
Replace the word
needed
 for petrol, which can save a massive
amount
Use synonyms
 of money. In conclusion, I believe that
althouh
Correct your spelling
although
 increasing the cost of public
transport
Use synonyms
 is a serious challenge, it can be resolved if the right measures are taken. ultimately, cooperation between the government and the
opratores
Correct your spelling
operators
 is essential to ensure a reduction of
fuel
Use synonyms
 dependency and financial
support
Use synonyms
. The primary causes are expensive energy sources and
costly
Correct article usage
a costly
show examples
 maintenance system

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
You answer both parts of the question: you give causes and ways to solve the problem. However, explain each main idea more fully. For example, say why fuel costs make ticket prices rise, and how public money can help keep fares low.
task response
Use one clear real example. You could write about a city where more electric buses, or help from the state, made travel cheaper for people. This will make your ideas stronger.
task response
Avoid repeating the same point about fuel in the first body part. Add another cause, such as higher pay for workers, more people using the system, or the cost of new rail lines.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two body parts, and an end. Keep this plan, but give each body part one main job: first causes, then solutions.
coherence and cohesion
Make the first cause paragraph easier to follow. Start with a topic sentence, explain the cause, give an example, and then link it to higher ticket prices.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. You use “In addition” many times. Try other simple links, such as “Also”, “As a result”, “For this reason”, and “For example”.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are too long and join many ideas with “and”. Split them into shorter sentences so the meaning is clear. For example, write one sentence about repair work and a second sentence about safety checks.
task response
You clearly state your view in the start and give practical solutions, including state help and electric buses and trains.
task response
Your ideas are relevant to the question. Fuel costs, repair work, and state support are all useful points.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear overall order: introduction, causes, solutions, and conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use some helpful linking words, such as “First of all”, “Furthermore”, and “In conclusion”.
Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: