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Writing Samples
Band 2

Some people believe music plays an important role in society, while others think it is only a form of entertainment for individuals. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Introduction
It is
aruged
Correct your spelling
argued
 by some individuals that playing
music
Use synonyms
 is only for entertainment purposes,
while
Linking Words
 others feel that
music
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 plays an essential role in our society. Both views will be examined in
this
Linking Words
 essay,
although
Linking Words
 I do support that
music
Use synonyms
affect
Correct subject-verb agreement
affects
show examples
 people's
live
Correct subject-verb agreement
lives
show examples
 more.
Body paragraph 1
Some folks think that songs are only for entertainment
purpose
Check wording
purposes
show examples
; there are several reasons people think that way.
First,
Linking Words
I believe there are
less
Correct determiner usage
fewer
show examples
 musicians than
listerners
Correct your spelling
listeners
, for that reasons there are more judges in our
world
Use synonyms
.
Second,
Linking Words
from what I have read, I feel that
community
Fix the agreement mistake
communities
show examples
 are getting used
to
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
to the
world
Use synonyms
 with
music
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, not
realizing
Change the spelling
realising
show examples
 how the
world
Use synonyms
 will be without them.
Body paragraph 2
Nevertheless
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, playing does play a significant role in human's
world
Use synonyms
 for
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
several reasons.First and
the most important
Correct word choice
foremost
show examples
, symphonies can make each individual
feels
Wrong verb form
feel
show examples
 more
relax
Replace the word
relaxed
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
furthermore
Linking Words
, they can
relieven
Correct your spelling
relieve
 their stress or built self confident by
listen
Wrong verb form
listening
show examples
 to a powerful song
Conclusion
To conclude
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 some folks believe that
music
Use synonyms
 is just a form
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 relaxing, I do believe that it does impact our society more than we ever
realize
Change the spelling
realise
show examples
.

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task response
You answer both sides and give your own view. However, your ideas are too short and not fully clear. Explain why some people see music as fun only, and why it matters to society.
task response
Use clear examples. For example, music can bring people together at a national day, help people in hard times, or share the ideas of a group.
task response
Keep your main words clear. Do not change from “music” to “songs”, “playing”, and “symphonies” when you mean the same thing. This can make your point hard to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an opening, two main parts, and an ending, so the order is easy to see. Make each main part longer: state one idea, explain it, and give an example.
coherence and cohesion
Some links between ideas are not clear. For example, the point about there being fewer musicians than listeners does not show why music is only entertainment. Use ideas that directly support the main point.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words in a natural way, such as “First”, “For example”, “Also”, “However”, and “As a result”. Do not put too many ideas in one long sentence.
task response
You clearly give your own view in both the opening and the ending.
task response
You include useful ideas about music helping people feel calm and deal with stress.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear basic shape: opening, two sides, and ending.
coherence and cohesion
You use some helpful sign words, such as “First”, “Nevertheless”, and “To conclude”.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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