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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that the increasing use of computers and mobile phones nowadays has unwanted effects on young people's reading and writing skills. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
Nowadays,
computer
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computers
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 and mobile phones have become
a
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an
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 essential part of daily life for young
people
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.
While
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 these devices bring convenience,I largely agree that their frequent use has negative impacts on
youn
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young
people
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's reading and writing abilities.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand,overusing digital devices damages young
people
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's basic language skills. For writing,features like autocorrect and spellcheck make students depend too much on technology.
As a result
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,many teenagers often make spelling mistakes and struggle to write grammatically correct sentences when writing by hand. For reading,most
onine
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online
 content consists of short texts,images,and videos.Reading
this
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 kind of fragmented information reduces young
people
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's attention span,making it difficult for them to read long books or academic articles with deep focus.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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,
morden
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modern
 technology does offer some benefits for reading and writing.With the internet,young
people
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 can easily access a huge amount of reading materials,
such
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 as e-books,online news,and educational blogs.
In addition
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,social media platforms encourage them to write and share their ideas more often.
However
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,the language used online is usually informal,full of slang and abbreviations,which can
negaively
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negatively
 affect their formal writing skills at school.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
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 computers and mobile phones provide easy access to reading materials,their negative effects are more obvious.They weaken young
people
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's spelling accuracy and reading concentration,which are essential for academic success.

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task response
Your answer gives a clear view: you mostly agree. To make it stronger, add one real or clear example for each main point. For example, show how a student may use spellcheck for every word, or how short posts can make long school texts hard to read.
task response
You cover both sides of the question, but the good side is a little shorter. Explain more clearly why easy access to books and news may not fully stop the bad effects of phone and computer use.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part plan: start, two main parts, and end. Keep this plan, but make the link between ideas smoother by using simple links such as “For example”, “Because of this”, and “In contrast”.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences need spaces after commas and full stops. Also check word spelling, such as “young”, “online”, “modern”, and “negatively”. These small fixes will make your ideas easier to read.
task response
You answer the full question and keep the same main view from the start to the end.
task response
Your main ideas are on point: spellcheck can weaken spelling, short online texts can hurt deep reading, and online writing can be too informal.
coherence and cohesion
Each main part has one clear focus, so the reader can follow your ideas easily.
coherence and cohesion
The ending clearly sums up your main reasons and returns to your view.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Digital literacy
  • Attention span
  • Autocorrect
  • Informal language
  • Internet slang
  • Short-form communication
  • Proofread
  • Traditional writing norms
  • Comprehensive reading
  • Visual media
  • Interactive learning
  • Engagement
  • Learning difficulties
  • Spellcheck
  • Complex sentence structures
  • Engaging platforms
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