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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays many people have access to computers on a wide basis and a large number of children play computer games. What are the positive and negative impacts of playing computer games and what can be done to minimize the bad effects? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge.

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Introduction
In recent times, popularity among
children
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 regarding computer-based
games
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 has garnered significant attention and sparked widespread
.
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interest.
show examples
Children
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use
Verb problem
spend
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most of their time
in
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apply
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playing
such
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games
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 rather than playing outside.
This
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 will effect on there mental
as well as
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 physical health. It will have so many merits and demerits at the same time . There are several things the government can do to minimise
this
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 effect . In the following passage, it should be suggested.
Body paragraph 1
To embark upon, people
having
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have
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 a wide range of internet to play and download the
games
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.
Also
Linking Words
, they used it in playing rather than studying.
For example
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, a survey was conducted , showing that
children
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 who constantly play on computers will have eyesight problems with 75% rates.
Moreover
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, if it is used in a precise manner,
then
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 it will
also
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 having positive effect
Rephrase
apply
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also
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. As it will help in providing a wide range of information, which is beneficial
in
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for
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 educational and working purposes
also
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.
For example
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, for an office worker, it will help in storing data and for students, it will help in solving questions.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, to minimise the use of computer government should be responsible to implement policies regarding the usage. They have the authority to prohibit the
games
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 which are not mentally good for
children
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's minds.
In addition
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, safe apps should be launched by higher authorities to prevent any irrelevant data transmission.
For instance
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, harmful or violent
games
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 should be banned so that child conginitive skills should be be enhanced with positivity rather than negativity.
Conclusion
To recapitulate, everything have adavantages and drawbacks, but having a limited use will benefical and show some small side effects.
Although
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,
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apply
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 higher usage will affect health, to prevent mental illness government should take the initiative to reduce the negative effects of computers on personal life.

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task response
Answer all three parts in a clear way: good effects, bad effects, and what can be done. Your essay talks more about bad effects and less about good effects.
task response
Give clear main ideas. Good effects can include learning, problem solving, and working with others. Bad effects can include less sleep, less sport, and less time with family and friends.
task response
Explain your examples more. The point about eye problems is not fully clear, and the number is not supported. Use a simple real example, such as a child who plays late at night and feels tired at school.
task response
Keep the focus on computer games. Parts about office work, storing data, and general computer use do not directly answer the question about games.
coherence and cohesion
Use a simple four-part plan: introduction; good effects; bad effects; ways to reduce harm; short conclusion. This will make your ideas easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body part with one clear main point. Then add an explanation and one example. Do not put several different ideas in the same part without a clear link.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully: 'First', 'Also', 'However', 'For example', and 'Therefore'. Some links in the essay are not clear, such as 'To embark upon' and 'In the following passage'.
coherence and cohesion
Make your point of view clear in the introduction. Say that games can be useful in limited time, but too much play can harm children, so parents and schools should help.
task response
You address both good and bad effects and give ideas such as limits, safe apps, and stopping violent games.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an introduction, body parts, and a conclusion. You also try to use examples to support your ideas.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • addiction
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • obesity
  • eye strain
  • inappropriate content
  • social skills
  • isolation
  • academic performance
  • time limits
  • parental supervision
  • age-appropriate
  • physical activities
  • digital literacy
  • balanced computer usage
  • excessive gaming
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