IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Nowadays many people have access to computers and a large number of children enjoy playing video games.What are theadvantages and disadvantages of playing video games for children?

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Introduction
In
is
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our
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 modern age, owning a personal computer has become the norm. And many
children
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 have access to it at all times,
And
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and
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 are able to play
video
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games
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 almost
everyday
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every day
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. I genuinely believe playing
video
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games
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 can come with its benefits , but having no limitations is what causes issues.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, it has been shown that some
mind challenging
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mind-challenging
games
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 can improve
problem solving
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problem-solving
 skills. And
this
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 is done by giving kids challenges that
tests
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test
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 their ability in figuring out solutions to various tasks,
then
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 by solving
them
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them,
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 they get rewards or win the game. Having kids do puzzles and
treaky
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tricky
 tasks
while
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 playing for
couple
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a couple
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hours
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of hours
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 a day can result in
a
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apply
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great mental development, and it might be more helpful than any traditional approach.
Body paragraph 2
But
on the other hand
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, playing for long hours
constentlly
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constantly
 with no time limit, will eventually lead to addiction. And it is becoming more and more frequent to see young
children
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 glued to their computers or tablets. And eventually it numbed their brains and caused serious
addicition
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addiction
 problems that
was
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were
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 not treated easily.
That is
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 why
parents
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parents'
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 supervision and clear rules are crucial, because
with out
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without
 them it can have the opposite effect on
children
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.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
video
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games
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is
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are
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 just a tool,
its
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their
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 advantages and disadvantages can only be
determained
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determined
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 by how parents allow them to be used. And careful supervision limits its disadvantages
and
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, and
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 it can make
video
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games
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 a great tool for
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children
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children's
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 development.

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task response
Answer both parts in a more even way. You explain the bad side well, but add one more clear good point, such as better hand-eye skills, team work, or learning new words.
task response
Give a more real example for each main point. For example, name a puzzle game task that helps a child plan and solve a problem. For the bad side, explain how long play can affect sleep, school work, or time with family.
task response
Avoid very strong claims without support, such as games 'numbed their brains'. Say that too much play may make it hard for some children to focus or sleep well.
coherence and cohesion
Your four-part shape is clear: start, good side, bad side, and end. Make the links between ideas smoother by using words such as 'For example', 'As a result', and 'However'.
coherence and cohesion
Do not start so many sentences with 'And'. Join short ideas into one clear sentence. This will make the text sound more formal and easier to read.
coherence and cohesion
Keep each paragraph focused on one main idea. In the good-side paragraph, explain the skill, give an example, and then state the result. Use the same clear order in the bad-side paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
The last paragraph repeats the main idea well. Make it stronger by briefly naming both sides again before saying that parents should set clear limits.
task response
You address both the good and bad sides of video games, and your main view is clear: games can help children when adults set limits.
task response
Your points about problem solving and addiction are on-topic and easy to understand.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear order, with separate paragraphs for the good side, the bad side, and the final view.
coherence and cohesion
The phrases 'On the one hand', 'But on the other hand', and 'In conclusion' help the reader follow your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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