IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people have decided to reduce the number of times they fly every year or to stop flying altogether. Do you think the enviromental benefits of this development outweigh the disadvantages for individuals and bussines?

4.5 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
Nowadays,
polution
Correct your spelling
pollution
 comes from many industries, one of them
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 the airlines.
For
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 reason, some
people
Use synonyms
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 chosen to reduce the use of
flights
Use synonyms
 as transport
while
Linking Words
 others have
stop
Wrong verb form
stopped
show examples
 flying completely to help enviroment.
This
Linking Words
 essay will explain why the disadvantages for individuals and
bussines outweight
Correct your spelling
businesses outweigh
 the advantages of saving the
environment
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 1
Reducing the number of
flights
Use synonyms
 or not using
this
Linking Words
 transportation at all, offer benfits to
environment
Use synonyms
, as these empty places can be used by other
people
Use synonyms
 who needs to flight, reducing the chances for airlines to increase their
flights
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, there is always the chance to use other options of transportation that can be less threatening for the
environment
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as
car
Check wording
cars
show examples
,
bus
Check wording
buses
show examples
,
train
Check wording
trains
show examples
, and boats.
Body paragraph 2
However
Linking Words
, these actions to reduce pollution are minimal compared to all the damage produced by other big industries, like fashion or meat.
Besides
Linking Words
, even though many
people
Use synonyms
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 willing to do fewer
flights
Use synonyms
 or not fly at all, it does not make a difference in the
amount
Check wording
number
show examples
 of
flights
Use synonyms
 that companies are offering.
Also
Linking Words
, many
people
Use synonyms
 will
no
Rephrase
not
show examples
 be able to reduce their
flight
Fix the agreement mistake
flights
show examples
 or
to
Wrong verb form
apply
show examples
stop
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 as many
people
Use synonyms
 work around the world, or have family overseas.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
people
Use synonyms
 choosing to do fewer
flights
Use synonyms
 or stop it at all
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 are doing an honourable action to try to save the
environment
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, compared to all the pollution created by other companies, it does not account for a real change
protecting
Change preposition
in protecting
show examples
 the
environment
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, few
people
Use synonyms
 can not change or stop
this
Linking Words
 damage.
This
Linking Words
 is why I
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
 that
disadvantages
Add an article
the disadvantages
show examples
 outweigh the benefits of
stop traveling
Wrong verb form
stopping travelling
show examples
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Give a clear answer in the first paragraph and keep the same view in every part. You say the bad points are stronger, but some ideas about flights are not fully clear.
task response
Explain each main point more. For example, show how less flying may affect a worker who must visit another country, or a business that sends staff or goods by air.
task response
Use real and clear examples. Do not only say that fashion and meat cause more harm. Explain why this means that fewer flights may have a small effect.
task response
Be careful with claims about empty seats. If one person does not fly, the plane may still fly with another person in that seat, so this point needs a fuller explanation.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an end. Keep this shape, but make the link from one idea to the next more direct.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body paragraph with one clear main idea. Then add two or three sentences that explain it, followed by an example.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. Words like 'however', 'moreover', and 'besides' are useful, but make sure the next sentence clearly follows the one before it.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating 'many people' several times in one part. Use 'some workers', 'families', or 'businesses' when these are more exact.
task response
You answer both sides of the question: the good effect on the environment and the problems for people and businesses.
task response
Your view is clear at the end: you believe the bad points are stronger than the good points.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, so it is easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
You use some helpful linking words, such as 'for this reason', 'moreover', 'however', and 'in conclusion'.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: