IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The internet has a bigger impact on people’s lives because it is more popular than television. Do you agree or disagree? Use specific reasons and examples to support you position.

4.5 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
It is observed nowadays that the
internet
Use synonyms
 has created a major impact
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 humans as it is part of our daily lives.
However
Linking Words
, it is
been
Wrong verb form
apply
show examples
argued about
if
Correct word choice
whether
show examples
 it
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 a greater
efffect
Correct your spelling
effect
 on
people
Use synonyms
 compared to
the the
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
television
Use synonyms
. I strongly agree, as it has become
increasingly
Rephrase
apply
show examples
the major
utlility
Correct your spelling
utility
 and attraction
Use synonyms
individuals
Correct word choice
, and increasingly, individuals
show examples
utlize
Correct your spelling
utilise
 more than
television
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 1
It could be argued that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
television
Use synonyms
 can be a source of
infuence
Correct your spelling
influence
 to a category of
people
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 is because in our
countrysides
Check wording
countryside
show examples
 there are
people
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
people that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 have never heard or know about online
network
Check wording
networks
show examples
, as a matter of
fact
Punctuation problem
fact,
show examples
 their existence can not be conducted by
Use synonyms
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
 since they have never used it before.
In addition
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 of these areas are mostly familiar with
television
Use synonyms
 as
televison
Correct your spelling
television
 is a daily friendly equipment to them.
Body paragraph 2
However
Linking Words
, it is argued that the online has developed a growing educated population
due to
Linking Words
 the variety of resources that can be found there.
This
Linking Words
 is mainly
due to
Linking Words
 the constant research and exploration online
creating
Punctuation problem
, creating
show examples
 awareness of a piece of information, news, actuality and so on.
This
Linking Words
is
Verb problem
apply
show examples
clearly
to say
Verb problem
shows
show examples
 that we have much intellectual and
well developed
Correct your spelling
well-developed
individuals
Use synonyms
that
Correct word choice
, and
show examples
 the
internet
Use synonyms
 has benefit.
Body paragraph 3
A
further
Linking Words
 advantage
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
to
Correct word order
of it is that
show examples
that is
Linking Words
 that the impact of it created a
souce
Correct your spelling
source
 of
well-beeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
 to humans.
For instance
Linking Words
, many
individuals
Use synonyms
 are
been
Wrong verb form
apply
show examples
occupied, joyful, connnected and
entertain
Wrong verb form
entertained
show examples
due to
Linking Words
 the existence of the
internet
Use synonyms
. As
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 can communicate, distract,
entertain
Correct word choice
and entertain
show examples
 mostly
due to
Linking Words
application
Add an article
the application
show examples
 of
Use synonyms
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
creating
Punctuation problem
, creating
show examples
 a source of happiness and joy to numerous
individuals
Use synonyms
Conclusion
In conclusion, I strongly argue that
Use synonyms
internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
 has
greater
Add an article
a greater
show examples
 impact ,as
people
Use synonyms
 can interconnect, entertain, learn and be smart through the employment of
Use synonyms
Add an article
the internet
show examples
internet
Punctuation problem
internet,
show examples
 as it is most popular
in
Fix the agreement mistake
these
show examples
this
Linking Words
 days eventhough a handful of
people
Use synonyms
 in villages are not
adabted
Correct your spelling
adapted
to
this
Linking Words
 or
influence
Wrong verb form
influenced
show examples
 by it.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
State your main view in a clear way: the internet has a bigger effect because people use it to learn, work, talk, shop, and have fun. Keep this same view in each body part.
task response
Develop each main point more. For example, explain how online news can change what people know, or how online work can change daily life. Say why this effect is bigger than TV.
task response
Use one or two real and clear examples. For example, a student in a small town can take an online class, while TV only gives the same show to many people.
task response
Be careful with the point about people in the countryside. It is useful, but it should not take too much space. Link it back to the question by saying that TV may still matter more for this small group.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an opening, body parts, and an ending. Make the body order clearer: first compare how people use the internet and TV; then give learning; then give work, talk, and fun.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body part with one clear main idea. Do not put many ideas in one long sentence. This will make your meaning easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a simple and correct way: "First," "Also," "For example," "However," and "Therefore." Avoid using "This is because" again and again.
coherence and cohesion
Make the link to television clear in every body part. After each point about the internet, add a short comparison, such as: "TV cannot give this two-way contact."
task response
You clearly agree with the view, and you keep this view in the ending.
task response
You give useful ideas about learning, news, contact with others, and fun.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has clear paragraph breaks and uses words such as "However," "In addition," and "For instance."
coherence and cohesion
The ending returns to the main point and sums up the main uses of the internet.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Interactive
  • Engaging experience
  • Immediate access
  • Vast amount of information
  • Educational resources
  • Personal and professional growth
  • Social media platforms
  • Communication and connection
  • Various forms of entertainment
  • Diverse interests
  • E-commerce
  • Two-way interaction
  • Consume content
  • Create and share
  • Beneficial
  • Flourished
  • Convenience
  • One-way medium
What to do next:
Look at other essays: