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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that excessive use of smart phones badly affects teenagers’ literacy skills. Do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
Technology devices have become an integral part
in
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of
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 our modern society. It is argued that
smart phones'
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smartphone
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 dependency has a detrimental effect on young people, particularly on their
literacy
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skills
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.
While
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 some might disagree with
this
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 statement, I largely agree with
this
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 view, primarily because
smartphones
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 impair concentration and hinder the development of
literacy
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skills
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.
This
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 essay examines my points of view in detail.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
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 with, one of the most harmful consequences of the excessive
use
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 of
smartphones
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 is technology addiction. Nowadays,
such
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 devices are equipped with AI-powered technologies, especially AI ChatBots.
Moreover
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, pupils actively apply them in education
while
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 doing their homework. Ultimately, individuals in the formative years limit their critical thinking
relying
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, relying
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 too much on
such
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 gadgets. To illustrate, schoolchildren widely
use
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 ready-made answers from the Internet
while
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 solving Maths tasks, because it is free and unlimited.
As a result
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, teachers highlight that Maths exam results are disappointing, and pupils try to
use
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 their gadgets during the
contol
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control
 works.
Therefore
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,
this
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 example single-handedly
express
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expresses
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 my view that teenagers deal with problems when they need to
use
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 their own
skills
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 and knowledge, basically in exams, inasmuch as most of them are exposed to
smartphones
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.
Body paragraph 2
Another hazard for the young generation is distraction. Admittedly, devices erode
concentartion
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concentration
, and people's
mind
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minds
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 are overloaded with unnecessary data. Children scroll through videos every day on social media platforms,
such
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 as Instagram, TikTok and YouTube, and
this
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 causes brain fog; their minds find it difficult to focus on important tasks.
For example
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, a teenager who spends three hours a day watching TikTok videos may find it nearly impossible to read a full chapter of a book or concentrate on an essay for more than ten minutes.
As a result
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, their reading stamina and attention span gradually weaken, which directly affects their
literacy
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skills
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.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
while
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smartphones
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 offer certain conveniences, their excessive
use
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 clearly harms young people's
literacy
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. Two main problems stand out
:
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:
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 technology addiction, which prevents teenagers from developing critical thinking, and constant distraction, which erodes concentration and reduces their ability to focus on reading and writing.

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task response
Keep your main focus on literacy: reading, writing, spelling, and the use of words. Your first body part is more about maths, AI, and exams, so it does not fully prove the point about literacy.
task response
Make the link between each main point and literacy clear. For example, explain how ready-made AI answers can stop teens from planning, writing, and checking their own work.
task response
Use one clear example in the first body part that is about reading or writing, not maths. A student who copies an AI answer for an essay would fit your main idea better.
task response
Your view is clear from the start and stays the same. To make it stronger, add a short line about why some people may see phones as helpful, then explain why too much use is still harmful.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: opening, two main parts, and an ending. Keep this plan, but make the first main part more closely match the question.
coherence and cohesion
Use links such as “For this reason”, “This means that”, and “In turn” to show how phone use leads to weaker reading and writing.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid very long sentences with many ideas. Split them into two short sentences so the meaning is easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Check small word and spelling errors, as they can slow the reader down. For example: “control works” should be “tests”, “express” should be “expresses”, and “concentration” needs correct spelling.
task response
You give a clear opinion and support it with two main reasons: too much phone use can weaken thinking and reduce focus.
task response
The second example is useful and close to the question. It clearly shows how short videos can make long reading and essay work harder.
coherence and cohesion
The opening clearly states your view, and the ending brings your two main ideas together.
coherence and cohesion
Each body part has a main idea, an explanation, and an example, which makes the essay easy to follow.
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