IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

News organisations should be allowed to publish information without government restrictions. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

5.5 / 9
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Introduction
In recent years, the
media
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 has become a place for everyone to
gain
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information
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. Some
People
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 believe that the
Media
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 should be allowed to publish any
information
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,
while
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 others argue that the
government
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 needs to regulate it.
Although
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 allowing
news
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 organisations to publish
information
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 freely offers several benefits, I believe that proper regulation offers more advantages,
such
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 as protecting
people
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’s personal privacy and controlling misinformation in society.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, restricting or even forbidding
information
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 from being published to
people
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 violates human rights.
Information
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that is
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 necessary for citizens,
for instance
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, could not be received if the authorities restrict it from being published by the
media
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.
Consequently
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,
people
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 will only
gain
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information
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 that has been decided by the
government
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.
Consequently
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,
people
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 will be unable to acquire
information
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 from different resources that can be used to broaden their perspective based on different points of view.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, regulations are necessary to prevent misinformation from spreading
wildly
Rephrase
widely
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 in society. Many
news
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organizations are
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organisations
show examples
 spread misinformation to
gain
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 more viewer or to increase their profit without concerning about the consequences.
For example
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, many
people
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 tend to easily believe what they want to believe, especially on social
media
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. Tax
news
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,
for instance
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, if the
media
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 says that it has a negative effect on the economy,
people
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 will believe it and start to stop paying their taxes, causing turbulence in the national economy.
Furthermore
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, it is
also
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 important to protect
people
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’s personal
information
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,
Add a semicolon
;
show examples
 without regulations implemented by the
government
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, the
Media
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 could exploit personal
information
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 to
gain
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 profit.
Conclusion
To
summarize
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summarise
show examples
, giving infinite freedom to
news
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organizations
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organisations
show examples
 might give several benefits.
However
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, with proper regulations implemented by the
government
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, I firmly believe that hoaxes will no longer be an issue
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
people
Use synonyms
’s personal lives could be protected.

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task response
Make your view even more clear in the first paragraph. Say that you mostly disagree with full freedom for news groups because some rules are needed.
task response
Explain what “proper regulation” means. For example, rules can stop false news and stop the sharing of private facts, but they should not stop fair reports about those in power.
task response
Your tax example is not very likely. Most people would not stop paying tax only because of one news report. Use a more real example, such as false health news that makes people avoid a doctor or buy unsafe things.
task response
Do not say that false news will “no longer be an issue”. Rules can reduce false news, but they cannot end it fully. Use a more careful claim.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part shape: start, one side, your main side, and end. Keep this shape.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid saying “Consequently” two times in a row. Join the two ideas, or use a different link such as “As a result” or “In this way”.
coherence and cohesion
Make the first main paragraph link more directly to the question. It is about the harm of too much control, while the question is about no government limits. Say this clearly at the start of the paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear topic lines for each body paragraph. For example: “Too much control can hide facts from the public.” Then explain and give one example.
task response
You answer both sides of the issue and clearly state your own view.
task response
You give two useful reasons for rules: stopping false news and keeping private facts safe.
coherence and cohesion
The ideas are in a clear order, and the end paragraph brings your main view back.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words such as “On the one hand”, “On the other hand”, and “For example” to guide the reader.
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