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Writing Samples
Band 5

Many people nowdays spend a large part of their free time using a smartphone. What do you think are the reasons for this? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

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In the contemporary world, the majority of the population spends their leisure
time
Use synonyms
 glued to their
phone
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 screens. It is quite common for people
,
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apply
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 who
came
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have come
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 home from a long day of work or study
,
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apply
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 to choose
wasting
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to waste
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 it on useless content on
internet
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the internet
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. There are various reasons for individuals to use their spare
time
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 scrolling on social media
instead
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 of doing something productive like reading a book or talking to a loved one. One widely held view is that
this
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 may be
due to
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 psychological factors. It is difficult to put down the
phone
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 because it gives instant entertainment and stimulation to
human
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the human
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 brain, leading directly to an addiction. Another possible reason for people’s tendency to consume digital content on a
phone
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 is FOMO
or
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, or
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 fear of missing out
something
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on something
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 if they are not checking social media or messages. Information is getting spread fast online
so
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, so
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 being absent from
this
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 virtual space causes anxiety. In my
view
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view,
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this
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 trend towards more
population
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people
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 dedicating
time
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 to their devices is negative.
Firstly
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, research suggests that unlimited hours on the
phone
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 can lead to shorter attention span, especially among young individuals
and
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, and
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therefore
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 it affects not only their academic success but
also
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 their
behavior
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behaviour
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.
Furthermore
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, I take the view that it is harmful for
grown ups
Correct your spelling
grown-ups
 to concentrate a lot on their screens as it worsens their sight and harms their brains, causing serious
damages
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damage
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 like insomnia.
To conclude
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, I believe that wasting your free
time
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 on the
phone
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 not only
it
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apply
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has a detrimental effect on your health and cognitive skills, but it
also
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 deprives people of doing activities that could actually be beneficial for their
overall
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 well-being.

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task response
You answer both parts of the task: you give reasons and clearly say this is a negative change. To make your ideas stronger, explain each bad effect in more detail. For example, say how phone use can make sleep worse or harm study.
task response
Use a more balanced tone. Words such as “useless” and “wasting” are very strong. You can say that phones may also help people relax, learn, or stay in touch, before you explain why the bad effects are greater.
task response
Add one clear real-life example. For instance, describe a student who keeps checking short videos at night and then cannot focus in class the next day.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: reasons first, then your view, then a short ending. Keep this plan in future essays.
coherence and cohesion
Make some links between ideas smoother. For example, after the two reasons, write: “These habits can then cause several problems.” This will lead more naturally into the next paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Start each main paragraph with one clear main idea. The first body paragraph can focus only on reasons, while the second can focus only on health and study problems. This will make the argument easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid long sentences with too many ideas. Split them into two shorter sentences so that the meaning is always clear.
task response
You give two clear reasons for phone use: quick fun and fear of missing out. Both are directly linked to the question.
task response
Your opinion is clear from the start of the second body paragraph and stays the same until the end.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an introduction, two main parts, and a conclusion. This makes it easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as “Firstly”, “Furthermore”, and “To conclude” help show the order of your ideas.
Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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