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Writing Samples
Band 6

Nowadaya both men and women spend a lot of money on beauty care. this was not so in past. what may be the root cause of this behaviour? discuss the reasons and possible results.

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Introduction
In recent times, the topic of
people
Use synonyms
 spending a good amount of money on skin care, which was not so trending in the past, has gathered significant attention and sparked widespread discussions.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is crucial to take a deep dive into the complexities surrounding it and explore potential outcomes. The following essay will discuss the reasons and effects of beauty care.
Body paragraph 1
To embark upon, in the modern era,
people
Use synonyms
 love to pamper themself for their satisfaction ,
as well as
Linking Words
 it will give them more confidence to face society.
Also
Linking Words
, it will help in achieving multiple opportunities .
For instance
Linking Words
, several companies like aeroplanes, receptionists, or hotels want attractive or beautiful employees for their services.
Thus
Linking Words
, it will increase the competition , and
people
Use synonyms
 will become more concerned about their skin.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, these practices are growing very frequently in today's generation, because today individuals judge by their looks and style.
This
Linking Words
 will make a significant craze among the youths to have a respected personality among friends and colleagues.
Moreover
Linking Words
, some youngsters are influenced by their role
model
Fix the agreement mistake
models
show examples
 and want to become like them. It will give opportunities to the company to sell its products and gain a massive amount. To epitomise, children like to purchase products that were used by their favourite heroes.
Conclusion
To recapitulate, it is worth paying for the beauty products, if they are used for
some
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
job opportunities. But spending unnecessarily without having any motivation will not be good for society.
Likewise
Linking Words
, in the past ,
people
Use synonyms
 paid less attention
due to
Linking Words
 their hectic schedule,
whereas
Linking Words
 today's generation is more concerned about their attire and looks.

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task response
Answer both parts more clearly. Give two main causes, such as social media and work needs, then give two results, such as low self-worth and more sales for beauty firms.
task response
Keep the focus on why people spend more money now and what happens because of this. Some ideas, such as a hectic past, are not fully explained.
task response
Explain each point with a clear link. For example, say that social media shows edited faces, so many young people feel they must buy skin care products.
task response
Use examples that fit the point. Instead of saying children buy products used by heroes, explain how ads by stars can make people want the same products.
coherence and cohesion
Use a simple plan: introduction; causes; results; conclusion. At present, the second body part mixes causes, results, and company profit.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body paragraph with one clear main idea. Then add an explanation and one example. This will make your writing easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care: 'First', 'Another cause', 'As a result', and 'However'. Do not use long phrases like 'To embark upon' or 'To recapitulate'.
coherence and cohesion
Make the conclusion short and direct. Sum up the main causes and results instead of adding a new point about the past.
task response
You give relevant ideas about confidence, work chances, social views, and the power of famous people.
task response
You try to include examples, such as jobs where looks may matter and products linked to famous people.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two body paragraphs, and a conclusion, so the reader can see the main shape of your answer.
coherence and cohesion
You use some linking words, such as 'For instance', 'Moreover', and 'On the other hand', to connect ideas.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Societal pressure
  • Media influence
  • Unrealistic beauty standards
  • Technological advancements
  • Disposable income
  • Homogenous beauty ideal
  • Globalization
  • Cosmetic trends
  • Psychological impact
  • Self-esteem
  • Social status
  • Beauty care
  • Personal appearance
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