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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The diagram below shows the process of using water to generate electricity for human use.

6.5 / 9
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The diagram illustrates the use of
water
Use synonyms
 supply to produce
the
Correct article usage
apply
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electricity
Use synonyms
 for
peoples’
Check wording
people’s
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 needs.
Overall
Linking Words
, the process consists of
nature
Replace the word
natural
 stages that are later used in
a
Correct article usage
apply
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human-made inventions to provide residents with
the
Correct article usage
apply
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electricity
Use synonyms
. A linear process starts with a nature facrtors,
such
Linking Words
 as the sun, the
sea
Use synonyms
, the evaporation system, and ends with supplied energy through the underground
cabels
Correct your spelling
cables
. During these steps, the
water
Use synonyms
 is
continuonously circulates
Wrong verb form
continuously circulated
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 from the
reservoir
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 to the factory
buldings
Correct your spelling
buildings
 In the initial stage, the
water
Use synonyms
 from the
sea
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 circulates through the clouds and flows into the
revesior
Correct your spelling
reservoir
. The
sea
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 heated by the sun is getting the
temprature
Correct your spelling
temperature
 required for
evaporates
Replace the word
evaporation
 and
formes
Correct your spelling
forms
 clouds. After a
while
Linking Words
, the clouds move until
become
Correct pronoun usage
they become
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 too heavy to hold the weight of
water
Use synonyms
 and the rain falls back into the
sea
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. The
water
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fall
Correct subject-verb agreement
falls
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 into the
reservoir
Use synonyms
,
where later will
Correct word order
which will later
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 be used as a source. The whole process is
a
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apply
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circular. The
remained
Replace the word
remaining
 stages are human-made deal with multi-stage processing and providing the final source,
an
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apply
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electricity
Use synonyms
. First of all, the
reservoir
Use synonyms
water
Use synonyms
 gets
throught
Correct your spelling
through
 the dam, the open or close vavle, the turbine and pump before
falls
Correct pronoun usage
it falls
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 into the
reservoir
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 again. After the circulation, the turbine machine
pass
Correct subject-verb agreement
passes
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 on the energy to three high voltage cables. The
trasformer
Correct your spelling
transformer
 station transmits the
enegry
Correct your spelling
energy
 received and distributes
through
Correct pronoun usage
it through
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 the
undergroung
Correct your spelling
underground
 cables.
Complited
Correct your spelling
Completed
 processes become
electricity
Use synonyms
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 is supplied to houses, factories, hospitals and schools.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words water, electricity, sea, reservoir with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "falls" was used 3 times.
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