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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

some people think secondary school students should learn international news as one of their subjects, while others believe that this is a waste of valuable time. Discuss both views ang give your opinion

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Introduction
More and more
people
Use synonyms
 think that getting
money
Use synonyms
 from
part-
Add an article
a part-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
job
Use synonyms
 is crucial for teenagers,
while
Linking Words
 others disagree with
this
Linking Words
 opinion because training affect on their
time
Use synonyms
rest
Change preposition
for rest
show examples
. From my perspective, I
compeletly
Correct your spelling
completely
 agree with the latter statement for two reasons.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, there are individuals who support young
people
Use synonyms
to work for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 making
money
Use synonyms
. In fact, during these
days
Punctuation problem
days,
show examples
money
Use synonyms
 is so important to get basic products and services.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, getting
Use synonyms
job
Add an article
a job
show examples
 in early
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
show examples
 enables young
people
Use synonyms
 to get essential
skills
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as personal and
communicational
Replace the word
communication
skills
Use synonyms
. A study published by Melbourne University in 2025 concluded that 60% of professional employees started their
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
 before finishing high school.
Therefore
Linking Words
, having
part-
Add an article
a part-time
show examples
time
Use synonyms
job
Use synonyms
 as a teenager is essential to improve their
skills
Use synonyms
 and
getting
Wrong verb form
earn
show examples
 enough
money
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, I agree with the segment who claim that working part-
time
Use synonyms
 to earn
money
Use synonyms
 has a negative impact on their resting
time
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, most
people
Use synonyms
 in
this
Linking Words
 age have educational tasks
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 make it difficult to find
time
Use synonyms
 for training or working.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the majority of
educational
Add an article
the educational
show examples
 system train their leaners on essential
skills
Use synonyms
. For
eample
Correct your spelling
example
,
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 should finish tasks
such
Linking Words
 as group projects and reporting.
As a result
Linking Words
, they are prepared with practical
skills
Use synonyms
enough
Correct word choice
and enough
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 for rest
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 weekends.
Conclusion
It
believed
Verb problem
is believed
show examples
 that
it is
Correct determiner usage
an
show examples
 accepted part-
time
Use synonyms
job
Use synonyms
 is important to earn
money
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
these days, whilst
another
Correct determiner usage
other
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 say the
oppsite becuase
Correct your spelling
opposite because of a lack
 of resting
time
Use synonyms
deficiency
Check wording
apply
show examples
. In my opinion, I firmly agree
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that individuals in
this
Linking Words
 age should focus on education to get professional
skills
Use synonyms
 and rest
time
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Your essay does not answer the given question about learning world news at school. It talks about part-time jobs for teenagers. Read the question again and make every main idea about world news.
task response
For this question, explain why some people want world news as a school subject, why others see it as a waste of time, and then give your own view clearly.
task response
Your ideas about work, money, study, and rest are clear, but they are not linked to the topic. Use examples about news, school time, world events, and students.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear shape: an opening, two main parts, and an ending. Keep this shape, but make sure all parts answer the same question.
coherence and cohesion
The first main part says part-time work is useful, but the opening says you agree that it is bad for rest. This can confuse the reader. State the two views in a fair way, then show your own view in the ending.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple links such as “On the one hand”, “On the other hand”, “For example”, and “In conclusion”. Do not repeat “In addition” too often.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph focus on one main point. Start with a clear topic sentence, explain it, and add one short example.
task response
You try to discuss two different views and give your own opinion.
coherence and cohesion
You use clear paragraph breaks and helpful linking words such as “On the one hand” and “On the other hand”.
coherence and cohesion
Your ending repeats your main view, which helps the reader understand your position.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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